


I Tried to Write a Rom Com but It Ended Up with More Sin and Tragedy Than Intended

by steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers



Series: Soulmate reader inserts [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I know weird but bare with me, It's me of course there's smut, Smut, Telepathic Sex, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-05-26 20:10:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 33,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6254200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers/pseuds/steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm trash for this soul mate thing and romantic comedies and sin and tragedy. So here you go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I got another idea that won't let me live. Not sure how often I'll update it, just wanted to get it out.
> 
>  
> 
> Rules:  
> In this world, you could see every color except your soulmate’s eyes until you met. And “met” was always a relative term. For some it was instantaneous. As soon as they met their love’s eyes the world exploded in full clarity, all the unnecessary greys, blacks, and whites giving way to the colors that only true love could reveal. But for others, it was a slow burn. They could be around their soulmate for months or even years before they truly met each other, so to speak.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(Y/N) since this is family I'll let you decide," Fury said, “Do you want in?"

It took about all of one minute for you decide. This was your brother's life at stake after all. You nodded confidently.

“Yes, sir. I'm already going to the wedding anyway."

The Director of SHIELD nodded back and sat back in his chair, giving you a once over. You held his gaze. You knew his unsaid concern. As far as he knew, this would be your first real mission as a trained professional agent. Sure, you did good in controlled situations, but this would be out of his hands he wouldn't be able to protect you if things go wrong. The only reason he wasn't denying your wishes is because he knew you hated being underestimated. You sighed.

“But if it'll make you feel better, I'll go with another SHIELD agent too."

Your uncle exhaled in relief and smiled at you. You rolled your eyes and smiled back as you stood up to take your leave.

* * *

 “Bucky, you're my boyfriend now."

“Wha-fuck!"

It was around lunchtime in Avengers Tower and Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, nicknamed, Bucky, was making a sandwich when you burst through the kitchen door, causing him to cut his right hand with his knife.

You left and came back with a clean rag to wrap around his wound. He hissed as the cool antiseptic liquid you put on it touched him. You rolled your eyes.

“Why were you using a steak knife to make a peanut butter sandwich?!" you asked.

“I was about to cut up some bananas!" he exclaimed, “In my defense, you could've knocked!"

“James Buchanan Barnes, you're the fucking Winter Soldier how on earth can I sneak up on you that easily? And you and I quote 'hate these new fangled bananas'!"

“I was making it for when you got home," he muttered, “You always forget to eat now."

His baby blue eyes held concern and you sighed as you took the rag off his hand. The cut was almost fully healed thanks to his supersoldier serum. You traced over the faint pink scar line.

“I don't need to, Bucky. Stop worrying," you ordered.

“If you don't want people to know what happened, you need to, doll-."

“I just don't feel like it, Barnes! Now drop it!"

Your rage sparked and you felt yourself separating from your body. Bucky's eyes widened and he cupped your cheeks and locked his eyes onto yours.

“(Y/N), stay with me okay?! Breath with me, doll!"

He started taking deep breaths and after a while you did too. Eventually, you felt back to as normal as you could and, Bucky, sighed in relief.

“You good, doll?" he asked.

“Yeah, I'm sorry-," you began.

Bucky stopped you with a peanut butter sandwich to the mouth. You took it and ate it for his benefit, even though it tasted like air and burned slightly due to the salt content like most things these days did. 

When you finished, the supersoldier took your plate while looking at you with a raised eyebrow. It took you a minute to realize what the look was for.

“Oh right, boyfriend."

You explained how your brother was marrying a known top HYDRA member. Besides your obvious protests to that, the only reason the person was with your brother was to get to your entire family (except your uncle and you until recently) as you were naturally occurring mutants, or enhanced as HYDRA called them, something few and far between in this world.

“I need to stop the wedding, but, Fury, doesn't want me going alone," you finished.

You waited with nerves pouring out of you while Bucky looked at you for a long time before speaking.

“And you're choosing me because...?"

“I kinda already made my family think that you're my romantic soul mate..." you confessed.

“(Y/N)!" he whined.

Bucky's metal hand crushed the glass he was holding and he scowled at you with a blush that faded so fast you were sure that you imagined it. You took his hand and gave him your best puppy eyes.

“Cause I know you'd say yes?" you tried.

Bucky sighed, ran his free hand through his mid length chestnut hair, before putting it over the one you had on his prosthetic. You smiled, knowing he was about to give in.

“Fine. Fine I'll do it," he consented.

“Thanks, Bucky bear you're the best!"

You jumped up and hugged him tight.The supersoldier would never admit it, but he liked your nickname for him. He grunted and buried his face into your shoulder. You giggled a bit when his stubble brushed your skin as he let go of you and he laughed at its sweet sound. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Steve, why are you here?"

You and Bucky just arrived at the house you two supposedly bought a couple years according to your cover. You never did go into detail with your life so if for some reason your parents wanted to see your home it could've been a box in an alley for all they knew. What you didn't expect that to see was Captain America. He was sitting on the steps, apparently waiting for you two. He shrugged nonchalantly and put his hands in his jean pockets.

“Nick said since you chose, Bucky, as your partner, I gotta come too."

You growled in annoyance and, Bucky, squeezed your hand to let you know he was there as an anchor, but you ignored it. He said he trusted you and still sent a babysitter! Steve saw the rage in your eyes and held up his hands, knowing all too well how it felt to be constantly underestimated.

“Hey, I trust you two. I don't understand why there has to be four of us at one wedding," Steve sighed.

“What do you mean four?" Bucky asked.

“Fury said someone from a different division is in with us," Steve shrugged, “Captain Jones I think their name-."

“Actually that's _Major_ Jones to you, Rogers. Just got a promotion an hour ago."

You, Steve, and Bucky all turned around to face a slightly shorter than average woman with caramel colored skin and dark brown, tightly curled hair pulled back into a puff ball on the back of her head, getting out her car and crunching her way through the snow to your group. Her eyes that were a half shade darker than her hair and her posture held nothing but authority, despite the fact that she was dressed in a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and a Panic! At the Disco long sleeve shirt. Steve went to immediate attention with a blush and, Bucky, glanced over at you with a wide smirk that you returned.

“S-sorry ma'am I-," Steve began.

“Don't say anything you wouldn't've if I wasn't scaring the crap out of you right now," she barked.

She unfolded her arms with a wink and held out her hand. Steve took it and blushed even deeper.

“At ease, Captain, I don't bite. Much," Li smirked.

Steve went the brightest red you had ever seen. You almost saw the snow melting off him because of it. Bucky rolled his eyes and you elbowed him in the side. The Major turned to you with a hand shake and slight blush on the tip of her ears.

“Major Li Ashton Jones, nice to meet you too," she greeted.

“I'm, (Y/N)," you smiled.

Li nodded and turned to, Bucky, to introduce herself to him too, before turning back to, Steve. It took every bit of self control you possessed to not burst into laughter at the way he pretended he wasn't checking the Major out behind her back.

“Fury put me with you, Rogers, so let's go get cozy. It's freezing out here."

“C-cozy?" Steve stuttered.

“Yeah, get to know each other, date, Netflix without the chill, whatever the kids are calling it in this century," she said.

Li took his hand and dragged him away to her car. When they were out of earshot, Bucky, turned to you with raised eyebrows.

“Steve's in trouble," he sighed, “I've only seen him like that once and he was a wreck for months after it."

“He's a good boy," you said, “He won't make it complicated."

You laced your fingers with Bucky's cold, metal ones. Pink dusted his cheeks so briefly that you knew you just imagined it. It was the weather is all.

“Why don't we get cozy too, Sergeant?" you suggested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The man is impossible to live with, Li, I can't do this."

“He can't be any worse than Lord Liberty in there," she sighed.

You and Bucky were over for breakfast at the apartment the Major and Captain were sharing to get to know each other for the last month. You and Li both were cooking your respective supersoldiers' favorites while they were at the table having a mental conversation.

They had been close soul mates since they first met as kids and often forgot to talk out loud to each other when people were around.

You and Bucky could see in full color from the day you two first said hello too, though you didn't have a mental bond and doubt you ever would now. You smiled thinking about how your uncle nearly had a stroke when you told him about what happened when you went to the Tower to meet your, at the time, hopefully new teammates. 

“Bro, the ceiling is not that interesting, I promise you it's not."

You came back to reality to find a pair of amused brown eyes staring at you. You felt heat rise in your cheeks and returned your attention back to yours and Bucky's eggs. Li smirked and flipped one of Steve's pancakes.

“What's wrong with him?" she asked, “He seems nice enough."

“What isn't wrong with him? He doesn't sleep, barely picks up after himself, jumps like he's about to be attacked every time I touch him-!"

“He was completely alone being brainwashed for almost a century, (Y/N). Just because he's been at the Tower for five years doesn't change that," Li said.

She stared with an unnecessary intensity at her hash browns and went silent. You put a hand on her shoulder in comfort that you weren't sure if she needed. The Major was secretive about her life outside of this mission so you, Bucky, and Steve know only the basics about her, which irritated the Captain more than you thought it should. 

After a minute, she came back from whatever trance she was in with a shake of her head and started back on her food with a shrugged.

“You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely," she grunted.

Now that you could understand. As a child, your parents showered you and your brother with love because of your anticipated mutations so you two wouldn't feel rejected and even though you moved around a lot, you and still had a couple of genuine friends. Despite all this, though, you never felt like you were whole, you never felt wanted. Until you met James Buchanan Barnes.

You weren't sure if it was completely because you two were soul mates, but he just made you feel like the most important person in the room. You never felt more wanted or taken care of than when you were hanging out with him, and you would admit that if he asked you out you would immediately agree. But living with him? That would take more time to warm up to.

You sighed and put your finished eggs and bacon on a plate and looked over at, Bucky, who was still in deep conversation with Steve. You knew about his time as the Winter Soldier, everyone does. You knew you shouldn't be so hard on him, especially since he's helping you keep your mutation a secret, but....You sighed again and looked at the Major, who still looked miles away in thought.

“What's wrong with Steve?" you asked.

Li's eyes came back to the present and she laughed with an expression of fondness for a brief second.

“Nothing. That's what's wrong is that there's nothing wrong with him. He's still that annoying kid from Brooklyn and I'm pissed off about it."

* * *

 

“Thanks for the food, doll!"

The brunette supersoldier reached over to the plate of bacon you set on the table and you swatted away his hand with a spatula. He glared up at you while rubbing the angry red spot you created.

“No touching until everyone is seated!"

He opened his mouth to protest, but you quickly kissed his cheek, and turned to go help Li carry more stuff. Bucky blushed, huffed, and followed your orders. Steve smirked at his friend and stood up to provide his assistance too.

“Sit down, Rogers! You too, (Y/N)! I'm fine, I got this!"

“You're _always_ fine, sweetheart, that's what the problem is..." the Captain mumbled.

Steve sat down with an expression of anger mixed with concern. You raised an eyebrow. What had been going on here for the last month?

“So everyone good on what's happening tomorrow?" you asked when everyone settled.

“Yeah," Li grunted, “We're going to Christmas Eve family fun at the (Y/L/N)'s. You want pancakes, Steve?"

“Chocolate chip and strawberries?" Steve snapped.

“They're your favorite, of course, I made chocolate chip and strawberries!"

“I was just asking! Why are so defensive? Gimme your bowl so I can give you some grits!"

Steve snatched the bowl from Li's hand and gave her a couple of large spoonfuls before rounding on you.

“Steve, you know I don't eat that much!" Li protested.

“Where's the sugar? That's the only way she'll eat them!" Steve asked, ignoring the Major.

You handed it over and he sprinkled a spoonful of sugar on his partner's food, before throwing a handful of bacon in it too. Li moved to put some back, but, Steve, held it out of reach.

“Jones..." Captain Rogers said slowly, “Why are there only enough sunny side up for me?"

Li slammed Steve's five humongous, syrup and whipped cream drenched pancakes down in front of him and grabbed a smaller plate to put his eggs and hashbrowns on, but, Steve, grabbed her hand. You could've sworn she started glowing green as she glared up at the Captain. You started taking food just in case this got ugly and you and Bucky needed to make a quick escape.

“There wasn't enough for everyone, Rogers! I don't want any now let go of me!"

Steve frowned deeply and just stared at her. That's all they were doing was staring at each other, like he and Bucky do.

“They don't even realize they're doing it," Bucky chuckled.

“They're not soul mates are they?" you asked.

“I dunno," he shrugged, “I know, Steve, can still only see mostly grey, but they can do the head thing so I dunno."

You shook your head. Of course, Steve Rogers has to be different. Bucky took some food and kissed your hand in gratitude for making it. You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“Anything for my fella...since he and his buddy are cleaning the dishes," you teased.

“And here I thought m' best gal was gonna spoil me today!" Bucky teased back, putting some Brooklyn in his voice.

“I-."

“I HATE YOU!"

“LIKEWISE!"

You looked back at the Major and Captain. They were nose to nose at that point when Steve's eyes flickered down to her lips. With what looked like monumental self control, he backed off and, Li, did the same. The Captain bowed his head and prayed over his food, took a bite when he finished, and looked up at her with an irritated look that she returned.

“It's swell, sweetheart!" Steve shouted.

“Thanks, love, I tried my best!"

She wiped some whipped cream from the side of his mouth and he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear so she wouldn't accidentally eat it when putting food in her mouth. They looked at you and Bucky expectantly for the rest of what they were supposed to be doing at your childhood house. You stopped and blinked at them for a second before shaking your head.

“Basically, all we're doing is gathering information on this 'great guy' my brother is marrying," you ordered, “Stealth is key in this instance-."

Suddenly, a knee hit the table from the other side and, Steve, winced and blushed while, Li, leered. Bucky smirked at his friend and the Captain's blush deepened.

“Can we please stay focused?" you shouted.

“Focus is m-," Li started.

Her phone started buzzing and her expression went blank as she excused herself to go answer it. Steve's face went to Captain America mode and you knew any hope of focus was lost. You turned to, Bucky, who looked moderately pissed off.

“James, what's wrong?"

“It- uh- Li'll tell you later let's just get out of here, doll."

“But-!" 

You started to protest, but the look in Bucky's eyes as the uncomfortable sound of flesh hitting metal outside, a faint cry of pain, and, Steve, jumping up with murder etched into his features left no room for argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com
> 
> I'm trying to write a Rom com and I still turn it into sin and tragedy ftw


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I get a sadistic high from making my supersoldiers cry. Sorry.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“She'll be okay, right?" you asked quietly.

“Yeah, yeah, she has regenerative powers, she should be fine in the morning," Bucky answered.

You nodded and laid your head on his shoulder. Bucky put an arm around you and hugged you in tight.

You two were back in your house and sitting on the living room couch. Steve was updating you on Li's condition from the hospital. Bucky led you out the back of the apartment complex, but that didn't stop you from seeing the Major's bloodied, broken body laying in a heap on the ground while the Captain called an ambulance. Apparently, an enemy from her past had caught up with her and ran her over more than once before driving away at the sight of Captain America running out.

 You sighed shakily and there was a moment of silence before, Bucky, spoke in a tiny voice.

“I heard you talking with the Major earlier and I'm sorry I'm so hard to live with, doll. I'll try harder to not be such a bo-."

You put a finger to his lips and smiled softly at him. He looked at you in confusion.

“You are not a bother, James, I was just being a drama queen," you soothed, “There are probably things that you find annoying about me!"

Bucky smiled a bit.

“Weelll, I can hear you from the couch when you snore. And you can't sing, doll, hate to break it to you."

“I don't snore and I am a pro singer!"

“And I do sleep and clean up every mess I make! You just come in at the wrong time!"

You two started laughing and couldn't stop for a long time. You would never understand how he did it. How could one man brighten your day so much so fast?

When you two finally calmed down, you noticed how close your bodies were. So close that you could hear the increasingly rapid pace of his heart and could count the dark eyelashes that framed your supersoldier's beautifully blue eyes. You could never place what blue they were because it was so uniquely _Bucky._  Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned in for a kiss that never came. 

Embarrassment and disappointment sat heavily in your chest until you opened your eyes and saw the fear and shame in his. You moved to stop him, but he jumped up and ran down the hall. As you heard the bedroom door slam and lock, you sighed and fell back on the arm of the couch. You made it weird and came on too strong. Perfect.

* * *

 

You knocked on the door a couple hours later, after making some sugar cookies as a peace offering. Bucky didn't answer, but he unlocked it and you walked in. The supersoldier sitting on the bed and staring out the window, his eyes a century away. You sat the cookies on the night stand and got on the bed to hug him from behind. Bucky tensed for a moment before relaxing into your embrace.

“I'm sorry, Bucky bear," you said.

“You have nothing to apologize for, baby doll," he assured, “It's all me."

You sighed and crawled around to sit in his lap. He looked away from you so you had to lift his head up.

“No, I am sorry," you said firmly, “I shouldn't have assumed that there was anything more between us than friendship."

“No, no, doll, you're not understanding."

He ran his hands over your braided hair and down your body until they settled on your hips. Bucky looked intensely into your dark brown eyes with nothing but deep desire in his for a moment before sighing and turning away.

“I want you, baby doll. I've wanted you from the moment I read your profile, but I-I...I'm no good for you." 

“James-."

“I'm serious, (Y/N)!" he shouted.

He took you off his lap and put his head in his hands. You could feel his time as the Winter Soldier come flooding back to him.

“I've been at the Tower five years, but the last year you've been there is the first I've had without relapsing every couple weeks. The nights we spend huddled together after I come back from long missions are the only ones I don't have nightmares. I never feel safe unless you're around and I don't- it's not fair to you."

Bucky looked up, his eyes swimming in unshed tears. You put your hands on his metal arm and made him face you.

“Bucky, you know I love taking care of y-!" you started.

“No! _Please_ don't say that!," he shouted, “You're so young and _innocent,_ (Y/N)! I can't tie you down with _me!_ It's bad enough that we're soul mates!"

His tears spilled over and you felt your heart break. Honestly, this was the first time you ever seen him cry. He was normally so strong in front of you because he wanted to be your rock, that this display of emotion was as refreshing as it was painful to watch.

“All I'll do is hurt you or someone will hurt you to get to me and I can't do that to you, (Y/N)! I _can't!"_ he sobbed.

You paused for a minute. How could you get him to understand that you didn't care? That you were ready to take the risks that come with being with him from the moment you could see his eyes? You held out your hand and he gave it a confused look before taking it.

“I'm (Y/N) (L/N)," you greeted, “Codename: Haunter, Agent of SHIELD, and the newest Avenger."

You smiled at him and he did the same, while shaking your hand.

“James Barnes, but everyone calls me, Bucky."

You repeated his name fondly and he nodded with a blush. He would never admit how much he loved the sound of his name when you said it. Bucky laid down, taking you with him and you grabbed two of your cookies.

“We'll take things slow," you said, “When and if we decide to be a couple, then we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

“What about tomorrow?" he asked.

“Well, it'll be a fun test of our acting skills, huh?" you smirked.

Bucky laughed in agreement and took the offered cookie. He took a bite of it, sighed in content, and put his forehead on yours.

“What would I do without you, baby- _Steve? Steve what's wrong?"_

You felt a heavy blanket of grief be thrown on you as, Steve, struggled to answer through his tears, but your immediate concern was: how could you hear the Captain?

_“S-s-she...the-they jus' called it f-f-f-five minutes ago... SHE'S DEAD, BUCK! LI'S FUCKIN' DEAD!"_

_“What? I thought she could-!"_

_“SHE WASN'T- I TOLD HER SHE NEEDED T' TAKE CARE OF HERSELF SO SHE COULD KEEP HER POWER UP, BUT EVER SINCE THAT BASTARD STARTED CALLIN' HER AGAIN! I TOLD HER NOT T' LISTEN T' HIM! HE DOESN'T LOVE HER! I DO!"_

Steve took a deep breath to calm himself down and you felt yourself separating from your body again, when, Bucky, grabbed your hand and looked at you with sad eyes.

_“It was her, Bucky. Tha' bad break up two years ago I could barely remember with who? It was her! She must've tried t' take our memories, but whatever she did's wearin' off now..."_

Both soldiers were silent for a moment while you were willing yourself to keep it together by focusing on Bucky's hand on yours and not Steve's pain and anger.

_“We're the closest t' family she had in this century, we have t' give her a proper burial, Buck. I-it's the least I-I could...How could I forget m' best gal?"_

_“Hey! None of that self-hate crap! This isn't your fault. Do what you need to, Steve, we'll come up there if you need us?"_

_“No, no. I-I want to be alone with m-m' fi-fuck-with m' fian-."_

The Captain became too overwhelmed to say anything more, but you got the gist of it. Bucky hugged you into his chest and you could no longer feel, Steve, in your head. You wanted to mention it, but now didn't seem like the time so you feigned shock when the supersoldier told you what happened.

“Think you can be around, Steve, tomorrow? We still have a mission to do..." he mumbled.

“I have to learn to control it right?" you whispered, “And he needs all the support he can get right now."

Bucky nodded and laid his head on yours. As you heard him holding back tears, you realized that while you barely knew the Major, she was a part of the team for years. If, Steve, was going to marry her, Bucky must have been close to her too...

“Do you need to stay in here tonight, Bucky bear?" you asked quietly.

The supersoldier nodded again and held you tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens and Steve pretends to be okay. What a surprise I'm gonna die from not surprise.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day was a somber one. You and Bucky went to pick up, Steve, at the apartment he once shared with the Major, and it took more than a couple knocks before he would answer the front door. When he did, it was with a fake smile that broke your heart more than him crying.

You and your supersoldier came in. It smelt off like the Captain hadn't bothered cleaning up yesterday's breakfast from the kitchen and the entire space looked darker and sadder. That might have been because all the shades were closed.

“I should probably get some light in here huh?" the blond laughed weakly, “Sorry for the mess."

Steve picked some bottles up from over by the couch and slowly opened up the windows. You almost wished he hadn't. 

He was still in his same white t-shirt and sweatpants from yesterday and looked like he hadn't slept since then either, instead opting to cry. His knuckles were bruised and scabbed, and his left forearm looked a bit misshapen. Like he had broken it and allowed it to heal improperly.

His laptop had SHIELD footage paused of what looked like him and the Major “getting cozy" in hallway outside Fury's office with her engagement ring making a small flash from time to time, dating four years back. Steve saw you staring and closed his computer with a blank look in his eyes.

He picked it up without a word and started cleaning up some more. You held onto Bucky. He looked down at you with sad eyes.

The morning had been rough for him too as he started to remember the years he knew, Li. Apparently, they were both ex- HYDRA, she even worked with him for ten years when he was the Winter Soldier. When, Bucky, came to live with the Avengers five years ago, unsurprisingly, his first instinct was to punch her out, but that just ended up with him being put on his back by, Steve, before he could even touch her. At first, the Soldier was suspicious of her every move, but after a while of living in close proximity, a few missions where she saved his life, and just seeing how head over heels, Steve, was for her, Bucky, developed a fondness for her.

But at least, Bucky, was _talking._  

“You okay, doll?"

You snapped out of your thoughts and looked up at your supersoldier. His eyes were filled with concern for both his friends.

“Are you?" you countered.

“'Course, I got you don't I?" Bucky smiled.

He squeezed your hand and looked up at his platonic soul mate through the glassless window in the wall that showed the inside of the kitchen. You started feeling faint and pissed off as, Steve, tried to get a handle on himself before he broke down in front of you two. 

“What's he doing? What's he thinking about?" you snapped.

Bucky looked down at you in alarm. You sighed and apologized. He did warn you yesterday how hard being around, Steve, was going to be today. 

“Just staring at the mess we made with breakfast yesterday, and he's blocking me out of his head as best he can...Maybe we shouldn't've let him be alone yesterday."

You nodded and leaned against your supersoldier even more, closing your eyes to try and block out Steve's strong negative emotions. The last thing you needed was for you mutation to be involuntarily triggered. You felt one warm and one cool hand on your cheeks.

“Breathe with me, doll," Bucky soothed, “You're still alive okay?"

You followed the sergeant's orders and inhaled as he did, and then did the opposite way. After a minute, you opened your eyes. Bucky smiled expectantly at you and you nodded again into his chest. He held you tight and ran his natural hand over your hair while putting his forehead against yours.

_“That's a real cute 'friend' hug, jerk."_

_“Shut up, punk. I'm just trying to make her feel better."_

_“Whatever you need to tell yourself."_

_“Uh huh and what about you, Captain Deflection? You can't just pretend like you're okay! I'm in your head rem-?!"_

Steve came out with a mask of a face and headed to his room. Bucky turned to face him with a scowl and, Steve, rounded on him with a look of pure murder, before relaxing and looking at the floor. He started walking away before stopping again and clenched his hands to try to stop shaking.

“J-just let me find some clean clothes," he said quietly, “We did the wash before you guys came over yesterday s-so I-I-I gotta go through her stuff t' find mi-."

The Captain took a deep breath and blinked back tears before quickly disappearing to his bedroom. You heard his sobbing faintly from the living room and turned to Bucky.

“He can't go to my parents' house like this!" you whispered.

“He'll pull it together, doll! He knows missions come first!" Bucky argued back.

“The love of his life, that he just recently remembered exists by the way, just died, James! How would you feel if the most important person in your world was taken from you?!"

Bucky looked intensely into your eyes and he clenched his metal hand. You felt heat rise in your cheeks.

“I'd kill everyone involved..." the Winter Soldier growled.

 “There you go!" you exclaimed, “What if he says or does something irrational out of grief?"

“'He' won't."

You and Bucky looked down the hall to see Captain America coming back. His jaw was set and his eyes were still red and puffy, but his hair was combed, and he had on a clean dark blue sweater and black jeans. Steve glared at you.

“I won't insult her memory by falling apart!" he snapped.

You held you hands up in surrender as you felt his anger levels rise and, Bucky, put himself slightly in front of you, daring, Steve, to yell at you more. The Captain sighed and relaxed as he went for his coat. A long strip of paper fluttered out of it. Steve bent down to pick it up and looked at it with a soft smile before standing up. He tucked the paper into his pocket.

“Let's move out."

* * *

 

“Where's your plus one, Rogers? My sis said you were bringing a real firecracker!"

Your brother, Travis, smirked at the supersoldier. He was a huge Captain America nerd and was over the moon when you told him the real deal was coming with you as your wedding gift. 

Steve looked down with a dead look in his eye and Travis' smile disappeared as he looked up at you.

 _“She was in a bad car accident yesterday....she didn't make it,"_  you thought at him.

_“Oh my- what should I say?"_

_“Don't let him get it out on his own time."_

“Travis, aren't you going to introduce me?" said an unfamiliar male voice.

Yours, Bucky's, and Steve's breath hitched. From the kitchen living room came the Major but not. Whoever this look alike was, he came up to you three with a look of great anger before switching to a cordial smile and put his arm around your brother.

“Oh, right!" Travis exclaimed, “(Y/N), Captain, Sergeant, this is my fiancee, Daemon."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame Marvel_or_Bust for the story between Steve and Li's “break up" I should've never read “I've Become So Numb". God forgive me.
> 
> And I am going to edit “ALLAW" and “MTF" don't you worry I just got caught up in this

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why didn't you tell me, Travis, was marrying Li's brother?!" Steve shouted.

After meeting your brother's “fiance", you, Bucky, and Steve went back out to your car get your overnight bags. The Captain started with you as soon as the door screen closed. You stood your ground. This was the second time he's snapped at you unnecessarily and you weren't about to let him get in a third.

“I barely talk to my family now that I'm working at SHIELD and am an Avenger!" you argued back, “And I never knew she had a brother, Steve! I came after she dumped your sorry-!"

The Captain growled and shoved you so hard you fell into your trunk. You were vaguely aware of, Bucky, grabbing, Steve, and slamming him against the side of the car, but you were too busy getting more and pissed off. You hopped out and pushed, Bucky, out of your way.

“You want a fight, Captain? Try and hit me! Or are you just gonna stand there and watch like you did when Li's husband kept beating on her?" you sneered.

Steve's eyes flashed in blind fury. He grabbed you by your collar, nearly choking you.

“I did _not_ just fucking stand there!" he growled, “They were brainwashing me! What the _fuck_ was I supposed to do?!"

You chuckled and pushed the Captain off of you. You were getting to him. Good...

“Or maybe she left because the great Captain America let himself get turned into a monster like the Soldier. Like _her,"_ you continued.

“I COULDN'T-THEY-!" Steve shouted, “I didn't let it happen!"

“Tell me how many times more would you have thrown her head against the wall or crushed her bones with your bare hands if the team hadn't stopped you? Would you have ripped her other leg off too or would you have been merciful enough to rip off her head instead?"

“SHUT UP!"

You closed your eyes to prepare for the punch that never came. All you heard was creaking metal and shattering glass. You opened up again and Captain America had put his fist through your roof, causing your rear passenger window to bust out. He was shaking with his back towards you and by the look on Bucky's face, his friend's thoughts were none too kind. For some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to care. You wanted to keep going. You wanted to see how far you could push Steve's rage and pain. 

“I can see into your head, Steven, you enjoyed it! Being free from your morals and humanity...How much did it get you off to hear her screaming for you to stop? That you were hurting her-?"

“Agent (L/N)! _ENOUGH!"_ Sergeant Barnes barked.

“No, no it's fine," the Captain said in a terrifyingly calm voice.

Steve turned around. His normally bright eyes were wide, dead, and years away. He gently moved you out of his way without making eye contact. The Captain grabbed everyone's luggage. You relaxed upon his anger levels lowering, instead being replaced with great sadness, guilt, and something that you couldn't place.

“W-w-where can I put this stuff," Steve asked quietly.

“The guest room is the first door on the left upstairs, mine's right next to it," you answered.

The Captain nodded, still not looking at you, and started walking into the house. You looked down finally feeling shame in your behavior. The Winter Soldier came to stand close to you and lifted your head to meet his eyes.

“(Y/N), what the hell was that?!" Bucky demanded, “That was unacceptable!"

You frowned, searching your head for answer. Eventually, you shrugged.

“I-I dunno, I just knew. I could see every guilt in his mind," you said, “I think it's a part of my mutation, James, I-."

You started panicking now. There was no question that your mutation was getting stronger by the day and was getting harder to control, but you didn't expect something so tragic to happen on your first assignment!

“J-James, I-I wanted to make him angrier, I-I it's like the more he hurts the stronger I get. Like I'm feeding off his negative emotions."

Bucky hugged you tight and ran his hand over your hair while rubbing your back with the other one. You buried your face in his chest.

“What if I start doing that to my family?! Oh, Bucky bear, what am I supposed to  do?!" you whispered, “I don't want them know that their only daughter is a monster!"

“Hey! How many times do I hafta tell you two? None of that self hate crap!"

He lifted you off him and planted a kiss on your forehead. You felt heat rise in your cheeks. How was he staying so calm? When you first met anyone and anything could set him off, but in these last couple of months, he's mellowed out a lot while you seemed to be going in the opposite direction.

“I know monsters, baby doll, you ain't even close," he soothed, “Just breath."

You sighed and did as you were told, smiling up at the beautiful blue eyes of your supersoldier. He smiled back as his eyes flickered to your lips for a fraction of a second. You put a gloved hand on his cheek and he nuzzled your nose with his with a small sigh.

“I'm gonna go t' hell for this aren't I?"

“Don't we already work there?" you teased.

“Get in this house before you catch a cold!" your mother yelled from the door.

You shouted back an acknowledgement of her demand and turned back to, Bucky.

“Let's go before she gets my dad out here."

“Okay, but..."

His grip on you tightened and you felt the full force of the Winter Soldier's death glare.

“One more outburst like that and I'm pulling you out and confessing everything," he ordered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I go too far off the rails?
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How you met and 'met' Bucky bear

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Bucky came back inside to your brother on the living room couch, talking animatedly to a, Steve, that was trying really hard to be engaged in what he was saying. Daemon was sitting on the recliner opposite his fiancee, glaring at the Captain like his presence was a personal offense to him. You would feel the same way if you watched your sister get nearly mauled to death by the one person you thought would save her-

 _“Stop that, (Y/N)!"_ you mentally slapped yourself.

Travis smiled up at you briefly before turning back to, Steve, who was not so subtly ignoring you. You sagged a bit in embarrassment and, Bucky, squeezed your hand and led you to the couch, putting himself between you and the Captain. 

“Alright, it's story time!" an excited voice shouted.

You groaned as your cousin plopped herself in your lap and looked expectantly between you and Bucky. Your eyebrows shot up as you realized what she meant.

“Oh, you don't want to hear that boring old story!" you dismissed, “Anyways, I don't know how Travis and Daemon met-!"

“He was a client. Travy got his finances in order and, D, re-."

“It's Daemon!" the man snapped from the recliner.

“-warded him with a date. Fairytale ending," your cousin finished, “I haven't heard from you in a year and now my little cuz has a bae? I need details now!"

You sighed and looked at your soul mate. Bucky shrugged slightly. 

“Well...it started when I went to Steve's place last December," you began, “I didn't know he had a roommate."

“A really _cute_ roommate," your cousin fawned.

She winked at the supersoldier and, Bucky, blushed, scooting in closer to you. You kissed his cheek, making him go even redder and you and your cousin laughed.

“All I was looking for was someone to kill some time before work with," you continued, “But what I found was my soul mate."

You smiled at the still flushed Winter Soldier and he looked at you with an unreadable expression. You remembered the day you two “met" like it was yesterday. He did too.

* * *

 

Bucky was the first to come out when your uncle brought you to meet your new coworkers, but as soon as he saw you his eyes went wide and he quickly found someone to hide behind. You giggled at his strange, but cute behavior and waved to the team. Honestly, you hadn't done your homework on any of the Avengers like you were supposed to, but you knew Steve's history, Tony's name, the story of New York, DC, and Sokovia. Nat and Clint, you had seen in and out of SHIELD, and you heard of Thor, Hulk, the Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, the Falcon, Black Panther, Vision, Wasp, and Antman. The only one who was a complete mystery was the chestnut haired, blushing man, who could only be the Winter Soldier by process of elimination, checking you out behind a smirking Captain America.

One by one you shook hands with everyone while your uncle gave the known flirters, e.g. Pietro and Tony the stink eye. You were excited about getting to know everyone and hit it off with Steve, Wanda, and Sam immediately. The only person that didn't come forward to take your hand was Steve's friend so you went to him. He tried to get closer to the Captain but, Steve, walked over to, Fury, leaving his friend exposed to you.

“I'm (Y/N) (L/N)," you greeted, “Codename: Haunter, Agent of SHIELD, and the newest Avenger in training."

You smiled at him and he carefully did the same, while shaking your hand with his right.

“James Barnes, but everyone calls me Bucky."

“Wait...Bucky Barnes?" you asked.

Your eyes went wide in recognition and, Bucky, sucked in a breath, waiting for your rejection.

 _“_ What rock have I been under?! _You're_ the Winter Soldier?! That's great! I mean it's not great what happened to you, but it's great that you're alive! My second favorite Commando! I can't believe I-! It's honor sir, really!" 

You looked down and your dark braids hid your flustered expression. Bucky laughed. Someone that wasn't the team was actually happy to see him? And it was the girl he's been pining over for a year? This had to be a joke.

“I wish I could've been there to fight with you!" you continued excitedly, “I've seen some footage of you in battle and just let me say, watching you beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker was the highlight of my life!"

Bucky looked into your eyes as you kept rambling on about how great you think he is... your beautiful, black with a ring of grey eyes. What color was that? Red? It was the only color he couldn't see. He had to-

“Mr. Barnes?"

Bucky blinked himself back to reality and found you staring at him in concern. He shook his head. He wanted you to be his soul mate the moment he got your profile as he felt a familiarity with you, but now after meeting you he couldn't do that to you.There's no way someone like you should be tied down to him like that. _Look, but don't touch Barnes._

“Bucky?" you questioned.

You stepped closer to him, putting a hand on his left arm. You weren't flinching away or treating it any differently from his right one. You had to be a figment of his imagination. Might as well have fun before, Steve, wakes him up.

“Second favorite, doll?" he smirked, “I fall off a train to be your second favorite?"

You stuttered at the name he called you for a second and the cocky bastard smirked wider, still holding your hand.

“Watch it, Soldier," you teased, “I know a guy who'll make sure you'll wake up very confused in Cuba."

Bucky glanced over at, Fury, who was watching him out the corner of his eye. The supersoldier scoffed and brushed your hair from your face hesitantly with his metal hand. You unconsciously leaned into it and looked at him with amused eyes. Bucky felt a warm fuzzy feeling growing in his chest.

“I could be that guy," he joked, “A pretty lady like you shouldn't be without back up."

You put your hand over his metal one with a small smile before suddenly putting him on his back. Bucky let out a low whistle. He knew that you could fight from your profile, but _damn,_ you knocked the wind out of him. Training you was going to be a trip.

“Some legendary assassin," you laughed, “I wasn't even trying."

Bucky looked up and went slightly slack jawed. You were sitting on his stomach with your arms folded, a shit eating grin on your full, soft looking lips, and your dark, thick, hair flowing around your shoulders. The sun coming in from the wall of glass behind you was hitting you in such a way that you appeared to be glowing in a golden light. It was almost like God was holding up a big sign saying:  _She's the one, idiot! Make your move!_

There were no words to describe how much he could not do that. But he wanted to he wanted to _so_  badly.

You stopped laughing as your hero's face fell. You waved a hand in front of him.

“Haunter to Soldier! Can you hear me?!"

Finally, Bucky, looked at you with an expression of great sadness and longing. Your face softened in concern as you don't know what brought this sudden mood change. He sat up, but you didn't move so you were nose to nose with him. You never had any great interest in finding a soul mate and could care less if you could ever see blue, but the moment you met Bucky's eyes, you wanted to. You wanted it all. You wanted him. He seemed to be feeling the same way as he glanced down at your lips. 

“I have so many rooms guys."

You and Bucky turned to face a smirking Captain America and Iron Man. And also a glaring Director Fury. 

“Finish your hellos, (Y/N), time to go," the eye patched man said.

You nodded at your uncle and made eye contact with, Bucky, again.

“Hello, James," you smiled.

“Hello, (Y/N)," he smiled back.

Suddenly, your vision went full color and cooler as his caught fire. You gasped and looked around. It was all so beautiful. The bright sky outside, Tony's weird-A metal hand forcefully turned your head to meet the most mesmerizing eyes you'd ever seen. Bucky's expression was one of awe and shame, but you were too distracted to realize it.

“(Y/N), please tell me you can't-."

“No one told me blue was so pretty..." you whispered to yourself.

“Shit..." Bucky growled.

“Uncle Nick! Bucky Barnes is my soul mate!" you exclaimed, “I knew it! I told you!"

The Director's eye expression was enough to peel bark off a tree as you hugged, Bucky, tightly. The Solider hugged you back, smiling nervously at his boss, but was internally smug that he won something for a change. Fury got more and more...furious as, Steve, held him back from you two.

“That's _my_ niece, you _mother-!"_

“Nick, language!"

“SHUT UP, STARK!" everyone shouted.

* * *

Your family started laughing as you two finished your story- with some modifications of course- but you and, Bucky, were still in each other's eyes.

“Am I still your second favorite, baby doll?" he smirked.

“Sorry, Bucky bear, Dum Dum still holds the title."

Bucky's voice took on a deeper tone as he brushed your hair from your face and held his hand on your check.

“I guess I'm gonna hafta try harder ain't I?"

“Maybe not that hard..."

You ruffled his hair as you both heard shattering glass. You looked over to see a seething Captain America, impaling a smirking, Daemon, with his eyes. There was blood and glass shards where a cup in Steve's hand used to be. He stood up with controlled breaths.

“I'm sorry," Steve said calmly, “Just let me find something to clean this up."

The supersoldier walked into the kitchen and everyone heard his cut off sob along with the front door opening and closing. An awkward silence followed it. You looked at your brother.

_“What just happened?"_

_“Our dear cousin said how hurt and betrayed she felt over the Captain finding a soul mate without telling her because she loves him so much and Daemon said that Steve's MO is hurting and betraying the people who love him. That's when things got hot."_

You scowled over at your brother's fiancee who looked lost in thought. He was furious at, Steve, for what he did to Li. He legitimately hated the Captain. It was...delicious. All you had to do was get it to a boiling point-

“(Y/N), what did I tell you? I can see it in your face, baby doll!" Bucky whispered, “You've got to control it!"

You took a deep breath and then another until you felt your mind go back to normal. Travis was staring at you.

_“Sis, what's really going on?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_“He's going through some heavy personal stuff Travy. His soul mate just died! How would you feel if, Daemon, died right now?"_

You felt the air start to crackle with the power of your brother's mutation. He could control electricity no matter how weak the current. Could even produce lightning bolts under the right conditions. You threw your hands up.

_“There you go! Now times that by the almost eight years Steve and his girl were together instead of the, what two? you've been with your romantic soul mate."_

_“Three, but I see your point, sis. I just wish there was something we could do..."_

_“Me too."_

Bucky squeezed your hand and you turned your attention back to him. His eyes looked slightly awestruck.

“What's wrong?"

“I-uh-we-can-."

“Dinner!"

Your mother finally poked her head out from the kitchen and gave, Bucky, a warm smile which the supersoldier nervously returned.

“Go on and get your food before, Travis, eats it all."

“Yes, ma'am," Bucky nodded.

“(Y/M/N) or my last name is fine, Bucky. I'm not some old white lady."

“Mom..." you groaned.

She shrugged and, Bucky, just nodded again, not sure how to respond to your mother's bluntness. You told him to go on ahead to the dinner table. When he was out of earshot, your mom hugged you and you hugged her tightly back. You forgot how long it had been.

“I missed you, (Y/N)," she whispered, “Don't make it another two years okay?"

“Okay, mommy. I'm sorry..." you said.

“Eh, you look like you're doing pretty well for yourself. Thank you for not ruining the good looks that run in the family."

“Mom! Bucky and I are no where _near_ that level of commitment!"

You felt the rumble of her laughter. She sat up from you and kissed your cheek before walking into the kitchen. That's when it hit you that she can see into the future. You shook your head. Her mutation was never certain since the future wasn't. 

* * *

 

All that filled the kitchen was the sounds of knives scraping against plates and quiet murmurs to pass things. Steve had come back in at some point that you didn't know, but your mother softly thanked him for setting the table. No one said anything about the empty seat next to the Captain, but it was obvious to everyone that he was desperately trying to hold it together for everyone's sake. You turned to, Daemon, who was just staring at the spot his sister was supposed to be.

“So, Daemon," you began, “Tell me about yourself? I want to know the man my brother's bonded to."

“Not much to know," he said absentmindedly, “I run a company that's second only to Stark's, like long walks on the beach, and cute boys that can get me out of a personal financial hole."

Travis smiled and took his fiancee's hand to kiss it. Daemon in turn playfully pushed him away with what seemed like a genuinely love sick look in his eyes. The man was a better actor than you thought.

“Well, what about your family?" you pressed.

 “What about them?"

His dark brown eyes snapped to yours, burning holes in you. He knew you knew.

“Just about them," you said smoothly.

He glared for a minute longer before answering.

“My mother hated all four of her children, never knew my father, I was closest to my twin but she ran away with some idiot that claimed to love her six years ago. I told her he was lying-."

“I wasn't-!" Steve began involuntarily.

“Daddy, could you pass me the salt?" you interjected.

Both Bucky and your stepfather reached out for the condiment at the same time and the room went silent. Your cousin choked on water, your brother tried and failed to stifle a snigger, Steve just smirked and shook his head while drinking his juice, and Daemon pretended like he didn't hear anything. 

Your parents on the other hand glared at the embarrassed supersoldier who had withdrawn his hand immediately after he realized his error. You decided to ignore everyone externally while internally dying of humiliation.

“Bucky, what the hell?" you whispered.

“A-all my girls called me that back in the day. I just autopiloted-," he muttered back.

“So, Bucky, (Y/N), tells me you were in the army?" your mother asked, “What made you leave?"

Bucky nodded vigorously, grateful for the chance to erase the awkward moment.

“Yeah, I was a Sergeant. And why did I retire? Well, ma'am, getting your arm hacked off by psychopathic fascists really makes you rethink your life choices."

“Excuse me?" your mother said.

“Bucky, can I talk to you outside?"

You didn't even let him answer before pulling him through the kitchen to the front door. Once out of earshot, you rounded on him.

“Buck, could you be less...old?" you sighed.

 “What?" 

“Answering to- Daddy-, Nazis, that's not twenty first century dinner talk," you explained, “If we don't want them finding out who you really are-!"

“Whoa whoa whoa, what's this 'we' talk? _You're_ the one who wants to keep your work secret!" Bucky exclaimed.

The supersoldier folded his arms and scowled darkly at you. You stubbornly mirrored him.

“Sorry, that I so selfishly want to keep my family safe!"

“I didn't say it was selfish, (Y/N), stop putting words in my mouth!" Bucky shouted, “I'm just saying that sometimes I'm gonna slip! Sorry, seventy years of isolation makes a guy a little socially awkward!"

“I didn't say you're weird, James!" you argued back.

“BUT I AIN'T NORMAL EITHER! A-A-AND I AIN'T EVER GONNA BE SO _STOP_ _PUSHIN' IT ON ME_!"

He was red and shaking with rage and embarrassment. You knew how excess anger could accidentally trigger you both so you put your hands up.

“What are you talking about, Bucky?" you asked gently.

Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before looking at the ground.

“Ever since you moved into the Base, it's been 'Bucky, let's go here. Bucky, let's go there. Bucky, you need to talk more. Bucky, why don't you leave the house?'"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. You had no idea how your constant instance on him opening up and going outdoors got to him...

“Don't think think I don't appreciate the sentiment behind it, doll, but I...just can't do the whole average Joe thing. Not anymore, not ever."

Bucky took off his left glove and looked down at his prosthetic. The one that was forced to do countless heinous acts for almost a century. Six years isn't even a dent in what he's sorting through.

You stepped closer to him. You cupped his cheeks to raise his head, so you could meet the sad blue eyes that colored your world from day one and brought you so much hope even before you two "met".

“I'm sorry, James."

“Not your fault, baby doll. You didn't ask for a fucked up bastard like me to be your soul mate."

“Actually, it's aIl I've hoped for seven years. I didn't even care if Bucky Barnes was or wasn't my soul mate eventually. I just wished I lived when he did."

You put a kiss on his nose and hugged him tight. He held you as close as he could, burying his face on top of your shoulder.

“I wish you did too...maybe I wouldn't've been as reckless if I had my baby doll waitin' on me."

“I dunno...I kinda like my scruffy puppy faced bastard."

He lifted his head up with a deadpan look that he couldn't hold looking at your smirking face. Bucky put a hand on your cheek, his eyes filled with adoration for you. You scoffed and tucked his hair behind his ear, brushing some of the now falling snow. You really looked at him. How could one man be so damn pretty? Bucky laid his forehead on yours. 

_“Well, how the fuck are you so beautiful?"_

Your eyebrows shot up. That statement, while well appreciated, was too perfectly timed. There's no way he heard you right?

_“Baby doll, I think we-."_

“If you two wanted couple time all had to do was ask! Travy and D do-!"

“IT'S DAEMON!"

“-all the time!"

You closed your eyes and sighed. There was no couple time for you. You two weren't even a couple! You felt a warm hand on your cheek. 

_“Come on before you catch cold, doll. As much as I love you, I'm not dealing with a cranky rage mutant."_

_“Thanks for the support, asshat, I love you too."_

Blissfully unaware of the feelings you two just admitted, you took each other's hands to go back in, but your cousin stopped you.

“Mistletoe!"

You looked up at the top of the door where your cousin hung the accursed plant. Why did she make it her mission to embarrass you every time you came home?

You and Bucky looked at each other. This was the exact opposite of what just friends do, but you knew your cousin wasn't going to let you go so you gave him a peck on the cheek.

“That's not a kiss!"

You sighed and turned back to the blushing supersoldier, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. He tensed and went even redder, clenching his fists at his sides.

“I got all day, cuz."

“I'm telling, Ma!" you pouted.

“What ever is just do it!" your mother yelled from the kitchen.

“Fine!" you huffed.

You pulled Bucky's head down to yours by his hair and crashed your lips onto his. After a couple seconds of no response from him, Bucky, started to kiss you back and you mentally thanked him for going along with it.

It was pretty good for a “pretend to be a couple" kiss. His lips were soft and relearning his experiences. Thankfully, he kept it innocent. You were about to pull away when you heard an almost inaudible growl from the Soldier.

He pushed you flush to him and suddenly squeezed your sides just on the side of too hard, making you gasp. Bucky smirked against your lips and used your surprise to deepen the kiss, holding your head in place with his metal hand on the back of it. 

At first, you scowled at him for making it weird, but as his tongue explored your mouth, you couldn't help but give into him. No wonder, Bucky Barnes, was a lady killer back in the forties, the man could fucking kiss. You buried your hands in his hair with small noise of contentment when he suddenly pulled away and glared at your cousin.

“Satisfied?" he asked.

“Whatever."

Your cousin walked away with a self satisfied smirk and you scowled at the supersoldier while everyone made their way to the living room for Christmas movies and nightcap.

“Bucky, wh-."

He stopped touching you so fast that you didn't even register it. He was breathing heavily, flexing his hands, refusing to make eye contact with you.

“I gotta...go find, Steve, a Christmas present, yeah," Bucky grunted. 

He went out the door, leaving you confused as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	9. Chapter 9

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Steve, what's wrong with, Bucky?" you whispered.

After a minute of no response, you looked up at the supersoldier you were leaning on. The Captain was staring blankly at the television screen. Everyone except for you, him, and Daemon had fallen asleep an hour ago after watching all the Home Alones. At that point, Steve, put on _The Rescuers_ with a small smug smile and watched, Daemon, fall asleep.

“It bores the crap out of him," was the only answer, Steve, gave.

You shook the blond's shoulder and he snapped of his self induced trance with a shake of his head. 

“Sorry, what?" he asked.

“Is, Bucky, okay? We ran into some mistletoe and kissed, then he took off," you explained.

Steve looked sadder than usual, wearing the concentrated look of talking mentally with his soul mate before shrugging. You frowned.

“Steve, what are you and Bucky hiding?"

“I dunno why don't you ask him?"

“If you haven't noticed he's not here right now!" you argued, “And you're the closest thing to him so."

“Sorry," he shrugged again, “Can't help ya."

He turned his attention back to the movie and you gritted your teeth. How are you guys supposed to be a team if none of you talk to each other?

“Steven, I-!" you began.

“Li-!"

The Captain had whipped his head around with a scowl, ready to argue, but froze when he realized his error. You softened. Steve shut down and sunk further into the couch. 

“Steve," you soothed, “I'm going upstairs. Want to come with?"

He realized what you were trying to imply and nodded. You two quietly got up and went up to your brother's room where you hopefully would find out more about his fiance.

* * *

 

“Didn't, Travy, think it was weird that, Daemon, doesn't carry anything sentimental with him?" you thought out loud, “I mean I know they're a ways from home, but, Travis, at least carries a picture in his wallet!"

You scowled over at the blond supersoldier who was just watching out as you go through your future brother in law's stuff. He just shrugged.

“It's like he said at dinner. The family hates each other."

You opened your mouth but quickly closed it, mentally slapping yourself. Why were you going through the trouble of searching for what could bring your brother to his senses and call off the wedding, when you can ask a direct source?

“Steve," you asked carefully, “Could you tell me more?"

The Captain's hand on the wall curled into a fist for a moment before he sighed.

“What do you want to know?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

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You and Steve sat down on your brother's bed. You waited patiently for the Captain to gather his thoughts as he opened and closed his mouth a few times and gave himself a nice fauxhawk running his hand through his hair so much. Finally, he spoke.

“Daemon's the oldest of four. Two minutes older than, Li, and a year older than his other two sisters. They were twins too.

Daemon and Li though, they were born barely alive. They were tiny and blind, doctors didn't expect to live long. Gave 'em a year at the most. Explains why he had siblings."

Steve's entire demeanor turned icy and you held your breath in preparation for his controlled anger.

“Of course, they survived their first year. Then their second. Then their third. By their fourth, their, Ma, was prepared to murder 'em and their, Pop, was, understandably, too scared of his wife to do anything. They were close soul mates. Divorce from that kind of relationship was unheard of back then."

You were about to question what, Steve meant by “back then" since the Major couldn't have been any older than twenty five, but, Steve, tapped his head and you raised an eyebrow before realising that Daemon's father could more than likely hear every horrible thought in his soul mate's head. You swallowed your question and nodded for the Captain to continue.

“Their father had inherited a nice sized business two years before they born and was makin' decent money so it seemed logical to make a family, have someone to take over the business in the future.

What they got was a huge burden. Their, Pop, loved 'em more than anything the moment he could safely hold his firstborns, but their, Ma, was disgusted with the amount of her money was being spent on the best medical care at the time for those two."

Steve shook his head in disgust as you turned up your nose at the image of the woman he was painting for you.

“Their old man is probably the reason they lived so long because he could hold the money he was making over the wife's head. He agreed to her demand that they try again though.

What they got this time was two healthy baby girls. Once again their, Pop, was over the moon, but he never once neglected Daemon or Li. Their, Ma, was pissed though. She wanted strong, successful sons and the only boy she had would barely be able to walk.

“Go foward three years. Daemon and Li were still alive and still seen as too high a fianacial burden. The twin girls healthy though, but their, Ma, was just so full of hate it was starting to weigh down on everyone. It came to a boiling point when the Depression hit on Daemon and Li's birthday of all days and their, Pop, lost the business a month later. Suddenly, the family was poor and their, Ma, was fully convinced that her firstborns were demon spawns. Li's words not mine."

“Depression?!" you exclaimed, unable to hold back surprise.

“Yeah, Li is-was seven years younger than me. For real."

You blinked for a couple seconds before deciding that was a story for another day and told, Steve, to keep going.

“Their, Pop, used every bit of money he could t' take care of his babies and one day their, Ma, had enough of being second rate so she sold 'em to someone who was paying a good amount for children to participate in a vitamin supplements study. 

Of course, that was a bullshit cover for HYDRA. That was the last time they were with their family.

They never knew anything but pain and orders after that. They were experimented on until Daemon's DNA mutated at fifteen and then that's when he an Li were separated. Her body refused to cooperate so after, Daemon, was successful they threw my baby girl out in the street...That's the first time I met her...all beaten to hell..."

The Captain went a dangerous shade of red and his fists clenched at memories that were irrelevant right now if you wanted to keep your head on straight. You put a hand on his back and he jumped, snapping out of his rage.

“Steve, focus," you asked.

He blinked a few times before shaking his head again and nodding, but anger still blazed in his blue eyes.

“Right, sorry. I fought him a few times before I got myself frozen, and he's the closest besides, Bucky, that's come to killing me. He's perfect in combat in everyway and it's kinda terrifying.

Li didn't catch back up to him for another decade at that point they worked together and were the best of the best in the place. Daemon could literally make you disappear, Li, could get in your head. They became a package deal though so he's genuinely torn up about...even if he isn't serious about your brother."

You looked down, thinking about, Travis. He was so excited when he called to tell you about getting engaged to the man of his dreams that you almost forgave him for not telling you that he met his soul mate in the first place. Now, you had to ruin that happiness...

You blinked out of your head when you felt, Steve, pat your knee. You looked up at him and he finished his story with a sad smile.

“It ends with me being the dick, Li, ran off with. She tried to get, Daemon, to come with her a three years back, but this current plan was already in action."

“Could-," you began.

“-you please explain what you're doing in our room?"

Yours and Steve's eyes widened a bit at the sound of the person you were talking about. You looked at the door and, Daemon, was carrying your sleeping brother in his arms while glaring at you and, especially, the Captain suspiciously.

“We were just-!" you started again.

“There you guys are! Found any embarrassing pictures of, Travis, yet? I- oh hey, D."

Bucky came up behind Li's brother. The supersoldier was red from the cold outside and snow was still melting off of him. He looked between you and his platonic soul mate to see how he could help you two with bullshitting your way out of this awkward situation. A vein in Daemon's temple twitched.

“It's, Daemon!"

Bucky held up his hands in apology, but you could see the little shit gleam in his eyes as he turned attention back to you.

“I didn't find any in the garage," he continued, “But it looks like I was the only one looking!"

Steve jumped up and you followed suit, taking the hint. You two made your way to the door, but, Daemon, was still squinty eyed. You thanked the man upstairs that he didn't get telepathy.

“We got a little side tracked," you laughed nervously, “Let's try somewhere else now."

You quickly closed the door in Daemon's face and leaned against the wall next to it. Bucky was still scowling so, Steve, let out a small laugh to try and diffuse the tension. Bucky, folded his arms and frowned.

“Some secret agents you two are!" he scolded, “How did you get caught?!"

You mirrored your soldier.

“In our defense we didn't have our third guy!" you snapped, “Where were you?!"

Bucky looked down, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging his shoulders. You softened up a bit at his disgusted with himself expression.

“I needed to clear my head. Walk something off," he said.

“Was my kissing skills really that bad?" you teased.

Bucky looked up at you with his eyes so intense that you could feel your face go a thousand degrees and yourself melting. You must have looked as flushed as you felt, because he lightened up on the stare and smiled sadly, shaking his head. He turned to, Steve.

Or he would have if the Captain was still there. 

“Where'd he go?" you asked.

Bucky's eyebrows were furrowed, presumably searching for his friend via soul bond. After a long two minutes, the supersoldier shook his head.

“I dunno," he sighed, “But I don't like him being alone right now."

You wrapped around your soul mate and laid your head on his back with each of your hands resting on one of his.

_“He's a big boy now, Bucky bear. Let him “walk something off'."_

Bucky stiffened for a moment before relaxing into you.

_“Fine. But we're making our boy talk."_

_“Oh, how the turntables have tabled."_

_“What?"_

_“Nothing! Let's catch you up on Big D."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun baking time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so long sorry!

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“But I thought, Daemon, never knew his old man? I never heard, Li, talk about him either."

You shrugged and continued to braid and rebraid Bucky's hair as you gave Daemon's origin story. It helped keep you calm and, Bucky, just enjoyed the massage.

“Well, how well did you know her though?" 

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed in thought for minute before he sighed and threw his hands up. 

“She was an experimental solider like me. Sure she had my back, but we didn't have sleepovers and shit."

You nodded and unbraided his hair once again, rubbing his scalp with your fingers. Bucky groaned gratefully as he leaned heavily on you, turning his head until his drooping blue eyes met your brown ones. You laughed as he nuzzled your neck.

_“Is someone sleepy?"_

_“Mhm...but we gotta figure out how to tell your brother about his dream guy. To do that we need to tell him about, Li. To do that we-."_

_“-need, Steve."_

Bucky nodded and threw a hand up again. You sighed and laid down on your bed, bringing the supersoldier with you. You had to apologize. You had no right to hit, Steve, that low earlier without even knowing what the story was. You moved to go, but was held by a metal hand.

“Where're ya going, baby doll?" Bucky asked.

His voice was heavy with sleep, but his eyes were filled with concern for you. You smiled and kissed him on the nose.

“Since, Steve, went off somewhere, I'm going to make him a peace offering for when he gets back. I feel like shit for what I said."

“As you should," Bucky yawned, “He started it though, in your defense."

“Oh, Bucky Barnes not taking Steve Rogers' side? What did I do to deserve such an honor?" you teased.

“Don't push it, babe."

“Sorry."

Bucky stroked your hair and looked into your eyes, searching for what you didn't know. You realized that you were still close to his face. Finally, he sighed and turned away to get off the bed, leaving you flushed as always.

“Need me to come with you anywhere?"

“Just to the kitchen."

 

* * *

 

“Alright, Bucky, my loyal sous chef, I need you to get me- what the?"

You were digging around in the refrigerator looking for eggs and butter to make the best chocolate chip cookies that Steve's ever had, with your soul mate's assistance of course.

Bucky never expressed much interest in the culinary arts, more content to just watch you serve it up. So the last thing you expected to see was the Winter Soldier putting together cookie batter with ingredients you never thought about using. His eyes brightened as you made your way over to the island.

“Eggs! Just what the doctor ordered!"

The supersoldier took the carton out of your hands along with the box of butter sticks and continued his work. You just stared.

“James Buchanan Barnes, what on earth are you doing?"

“Here tell me what you think, baby doll." 

Bucky held his mixing spoon out. The color was a nice tan, no egg shells or butter lumps. You took a hesitant bite and for a brief moment you swore you died and went to heaven. You imagined the best chocolate chip cookies you've ever had and realized they weren't shit.

You snatched his spoon and bowl away from him, moaning a bit at how good it was as you shoveled it down. Bucky let out a triumphant laugh.

“Good right?"

“It's delicious, Buck! How'd you learn to bake like this? What did you use?! Mom never has anything-!"

“(Y/N) calm down! You're getting my batter everywhere!"

He scowled at you and grabbed a dish towel to wipe up the batter you splattered waving your utensil around. You smiled nervously and helped him out. When you two were done, you pushed his batter back to him and the supersoldier laughed and shook his head, while going to dig in the cabinets again.

“I had t' get Steve and I through the Depression, doll. When you have the bare minimum and someone who has nearly every food allergy under the sun, you learn to get creative."

You nodded and analyzed your soul mate's expression. He was intensely concentrated on his work and you could sense some anger coming from him. You put a hand on his arm and he stopped mixing so hard.

“Bucky bear, what's wrong?"

“I-No, it's stupid. Never mind."

 “James..."

You your hand on his cheek and he slowly met your eyes. You felt his frustration give way to embarrassment as his face turned red. You stroked his cheek.

_“Whatever it is, it's not stupid. Your feelings are never stupid, Bucky."_

He looked at you with guarded eyes, but your skin to skin contact made it impossible to to hide the warm, fuzzy feeling growing in his chest. You didn't bring it up because that would lead to questions you couldn't answer. As far as he knew, you could only sense negative emotions. Instead, you just waited until he was ready to talk.

_“I- I can't remember the special ingredient. I've been making these again for six years and I still can't figure out what's missing. Steve tells me they're fine, but..."_

Bucky sighed and got off your hand, turning his attention back to his thoroughly stirred batter.

“I know it shouldn't bother me, but I just wish I could remember. I want to do something right..."

You frowned at his admission and became a little upset yourself. Someone like, Bucky, should never feel like he's not good enough.

“(Y/N), what's wrong?! You're floating!"

“What? Oh, crap!"

You looked down and you were in fact hovering a good three inches off the ground. You looked up at, Bucky, in panic.

“I'm not ghosting am I?"

“No, no. You're not glowing purple, you're golden...what are you thinking about?"

It was your turn to be embarrassed as the supersoldier stared at you in wonder. This happened one other time that you realized just how deeply you cared for him, but luckily he wasn't around. You quickly thought up a lie so he wouldn't start telling you how you shouldn't have such strong feelings for him.

“Uhh...you missed a spot cleaning up. Right here!"

You pointed at his face and, Bucky, raised an eyebrow. You just smirked, gathered some batter on your finger, and spread it on his nose. You fell back to your feet, laughing and pointing at his look of shock. You were so far gone that you didn't notice the Winter Soldier pick up some cookie dough himself and smear it all over your face and hair. It was his turn to mock you.

“You've never looked better, (Y/N)!"

“You looking for a fight, Barnes?"

His eyes darkened and his smile turned into a cocky smirk as his metal arm made small whirring sounds. 

“Believe me, _Haunter,_ it wouldn't be much of one."

You picked up some batter and took a deep breath to concentrate your mutation just enough to be a match for him. You needed to burn off some aggression anyway.

“Big talk, no action, _Soldier._

* * *

The aftermath of your battle was as sticky as it was satisfying, and it was only by the grace of the night's alcohol before bed that no one heard you two.

You had cookie dough in places it shouldn't be. Bucky's hair was a hot mess and his metal hand had the sweet stuff between all its grooves, as did your braids. You two were not as big a disaster zone as the kitchen though. There was dough _everywhere._ Grounded into the white window curtains, a chocolate hand print sliding down her new stainless steel refrigerator, some inside the gas stove, and all the pots and pans hanging over the island were caught in the cross fire.

“My mom's gonna kill me..."

Bucky started laughing at your look of fear, one of those laughs that once it gets going it doesn't stop. It just intensified when some dough rolled off you and plopped to the ground.

Now, while you usually thoroughly enjoyed seeing his eyes crinkle, his face flush, and his lungs gasping for air, this was no laughing matter. Your mom could make your deaths seem very accidental.

“James Buchanan Barnes! This- _FUCK!"_

You punched him in the wrong arm. The regret was immediate as you heard cracking along with instant pain. Bucky stopped laughing as soon as you cursed and gently grabbed your hand in his non prosthetic one and your arm with his metal one. You hissed as he wiggled your fingers around but there didn't seem to be any severe damage, probably just bruises in the morning.

Bucky sighed in relief and kissed your hand along with your scowling forehead.

_“Hey, whaddya say we clean up and try this again? Truce?"_

_“I guess. I could use a shower anyw- don't even think about it, Barnes."_

_“Just want to save on water, doll."_

 

* * *

 

 

Three hours later, you and Bucky met up again in the newly cleared kitchen. You gave up trying to scrub the dough out of your braids and just took them out, which is what the hold up was.

“You done with your primping, princess?"

“Oh, please Mr. Only-Organic-Shampoo."

Bucky shrugged and went back into the cabinets to see what else he could put together, while you went with your original plan of your “famous" chocolate chip cookies.

“Didn't your ma ever tell you t' never pick a fight with the Winter Soldier?"

 _“No, but she told me I'm having his kids_ ," you thought to yourself.

You heard a small pop followed by the earthy mint smell of-

“The rosemary, Bucky? We just cleaned up and you ex-!"

 “ROSEMARY! THAT'S IT! Steve hates it, but I snuck it in one time and-!"

Bucky picked you up by the waist and spun you around the kitchen with a giant grin on his face before sitting down on the counter, hugging you in tight. He sighed in content as he buried his face in your chest. You wish you could say you were enjoying it, but he was covered in spice and you were getting a nose full of it. 

“You're a swell gal, (Y/N). You know that?"

“Oh, James! Put me down!"

“Baby doll...I'm never letting go of you again..."

He just snuggled you more and you rolled your eyes at his antics, running your nails over his scalp again. He groaned softly and, moved his head around to where he wanted you at. You rolled your eyes again.

“James...why did you squeeze it that hard in the first place?"

Bucky froze which made you stop moving too.

“I-I uh-."

“No, no. I can't- No more than a week, maybe two, I promise. Please just-yes. _Yes._  Thank you, I'll keep in touch."

Steve walked into the kitchen, his face covered in cuts and bruises. He looked like he was freezing and was obviously exhausted, but the ever increasing amount of self-hatred from the resurfacing memories, Li, tried to take from was keeping him awake. The Captain looked between you and his platonic soul mate.

You felt heat rise in your cheeks thinking about how totally “just friends" this looked with you sitting on the counter with, Bucky, face planting in your chest. It didn't help that you were wearing one of his sweatshirts because you forgot pajamas. Finally, Steve, shook his head with a small smile.

“Whatever it is, I don't wanna know. G'night."

“Hold on, punk," Bucky said, lifting his head, “We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com
> 
> I hope you will forgive me for next chapter or two because of how happy this one was.


	12. Chapter 12

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Bucky stood firm in front of the Captain with folded arms. Steve mirrored him and looked his soul mate in the eyes. 

“About what exactly Bucky? What do I need t' talk about?"

“You! You're hurtin', Steve, and I'm not gonna stand here and let you suffer!"

The Captain shut down and looked at the floor, jaw clenched. You were starting to feel the effect of his strong emotions and clenched the edge of the counter.

“I don't want your pity I want t' be left alone," Steve growled, _“G'night."_

Steve moved to go back out the door, but Bucky blocked him. 

“Us letting you be alone is why you're not talking in the first place, punk. Now sit down and _talk!"_

Bucky shoved him down in a dining table chair. The Captain immediately sprang back up so fast that the chair clattered to the ground and slammed his soul mate onto the table. He held up a bloodied fist, eyes devoid of all emotion, and you jumped off the counter to get between them, but the look, Bucky, gave you made you stay back. 

It was a concerned and slightly fearful expression Steve was either blocking him out or his thoughts were worse than you knew. After a second, Steve, snapped out of whatever rage had taken over him and lowered his hand with a terrified look on his face. His eyes went wide and years away as let go of his best friend. 

“I-I-I'm sorry," the Captain whispered, “I'm so sorry, baby girl..."

Bucky came to stand by you while, Steve, sunk down into another chair, staring at his beat up hands. You did a once over of, Bucky, who looked pretty shaken. That got you worried. It's hard to frighten an assassin, especially _the Winter Solider_.

“I'm fine, doll. I-I just haven't seen him like that in a- ever."

“James, what are you two hiding from me?"

Bucky started to stutter and you were about to get really angry until you heard the most pathetic noise from behind. 

You turned and, Steve's elbows were propped up on the table, his hands buried in the back of his blond hair. He was shaking in now silent tears. You looked at, Bucky, for answer, but he was too busy holding back his own sadness.

You swallowed hard and steeled yourself before walking up to the broken down first supersoldier. You put a hand on his shoulder and bent down to look him in the eyes.

“I'm sorry," you whispered, “I was out of line with you earlier and I'm sorry, but don't be mad at Bucky, please? He just wants t-."

“What? Help? THERE IS NO HELP FOR ME!"

The Captain slammed his hands down on the table to glare at you before he caught himself and broke eye contact. Bucky came to sit on his right and put a hand on his shoulder with an expression of great worry. You hugged, Steve, from behind. Finally, he took a letter out of his jacket. Bucky took it and you sat down in his lap so you could read it too. Everything the Major did was spelled out. Finally, Steve, spoke in a tiny voice, wiping tears from his swollen face and talked more to, Bucky, than you.

“I couldn't get right again. W-whatever HYDRA did to me...the team had to cage me up. Li thought she was to blame so s-s-she took our memories of her and left because she thought it would make things better."

Steve started crying harder because, it did. It did make him all better, according to the letter. You looked over at, Bucky, who was still staring at his soul mate.

“Tell, (Y/N), Steve, it's okay. She won't hate you. We all have our demons."

Your eyes softened as you listened to your supersoldier repeat the the words of support you gave him a few months into you joining the team. Steve swallowed hard and nodded.

“Li and I, w-we were going down fast. I-I knocked her up, but we both wanted to keep it so it was fine. But I banned her from going on missions while she was pregnant and she told me to go screw myself. We were constantly at each other's throats. It was driving us apart.

But just like I thought, s-she made a bad judgement call on a just us assignment. She was in trouble so I had to save her, but I wasn't f-fast enough. She got shot-w-w-we l-lost our b-b-baby...

I-I couldn't be near her! I nearly called off our engagement I was so mad! But I-I didn't stop to think about how she felt. I didn't even ask.... I just went to the Tower and left her alone in our private apartment in D.C.."

The Captain cursed and started shaking.

“S-she was suicidal even before she met me so I should've been watching her! But I didn't! Everyone was on vacation all month so they didn't know what happened and I never told them! I just said we were fine and that we just needed a break from each other. 

I-I let my best gal just sit in that empty house for two months because I couldn't get my head out of my ass! Couldn't even be bothered to answer her when she begged me to come back home every day through our bond. After a few weeks, she stopped and our bond went cold. I knew something was wrong and I should've checked on her, but everyone except Tony and Bucky got called out and couldn't be in contact with anyone for a month. It gave me a lot of time to think about what a bastard I am."

“When I got back, the first place I was gonna go after debrief was to see her and beg her to take me back, but..."

Steve lost his composure again and you could feel your mutation feeding off the Captain's fragile state. You clutched your soul mate's hand. Eventually, Steve started again in broken words.

“I-I didn't know-s-sh-she-whatever she used on herself messed up her head, she refused t' believe that I was even real.

There was nothing I could do! She was too far gone! I went t' see her every day, but she just kept insistin' that I was a figment of her imagination along with everyone else! She was fully convinced that we abandoned her. Eventually, Tony, put her in the hospital wing permanently an' on constant supervision. Somehow HYDRA got wind of her being decommissioned from the Avengers an' used it t' their advantage.

I thought everyone accepted that we needed a break, but, Tony, told me everyone knew I was lying my ass off, but, didn't but didn't say anything because, Li, told them not t'. T-they never looked at me the same after, Li, almost...even, Nat, started talkin' t' me only when necessary, and I deserved every bit of it.

I got so disconnected from m' team that I never thought t' ask-s-she would've been on assignment with me an' not in the hospital if I-they wouldn't been able t' make it seem like they took her! I would've never had a reason t' go t' that base!"

Steve took deep breaths to calm himself down so he could finish.

“They-they tricked me... I had just come back from another mission an' there was HYDRA video footage of m' best gal bein' tortured an' threats t' kill her if I didn't get there fast enough. No one was home 'cept, Tony, but m' dumbass didn't even-!

I-I wasn't thinkin' clearly! Li wouldn't've let herself get captured without a fight! B-b-but I thought they had m' baby girl, an-an-an' I promised her I would always come for her! So I did an' of course she wasn't there!"

Steve buried his face in his hands for a long time before continuing in a smaller voice.

“They sedated an' restrained me. I don't remember much of what they did t' me all I know is that it hurt more than I thought anythin' could at the time...

The only moment I clearly remember is when m' gal showed up t' save me. I don't even know how she knew! But she came for me an' I-I-I was the one that raised the alarm that she was there.

She fought back as best she could, but she was running on empty an' there were too many of them.

Her ex-husband, was the one 'training' me and made me watch- he made me watch him break her down in the worst ways possible until whatever they were doing to my mind made me enjoy hearing her scream for mercy. E-e-eventually, I-I wanted t' be the one... They let me free then. Free t' toy with my fiancee an' then kill her for embarrassin' HYDRA."

He looked at you two in panicked desperation.

“I-I love her more than anythin'! I didn't- please, _please,_ believe me-!" he shouted, “ _I love her!"_

“Steve! Steve, we know, pal," Bucky soothed, “We know just finish."

The blond nodded, not completely in the present if his paling skin and shifty eyes were anything to go by.

“T-they put her back to full power an' I was so happy. So happy that I would be able t' fight her at full strength, destroy 'the crown jewel', then the Asset, an' take my place as the best of the best.

B-but s-s-she didn't- she refused t' fight back! She jus' let me do terrible, awful things t' her! It wasn't any fun 'cause she wouldn't fight me back! Jus' tellin' me how much she loved me an' knew I was in there somewhere!"

“I jus' got angrier and angrier, but she still wouldn't defend herself. I-I-I-."

Steve got too overwhelmed for a minute and went silent, getting lost in his nightmares. He started glowing the dark purple sign of life force draining that your mutation brings to those unfortunate enough to be upset around you. The victim never notices, they're too caught up in their misery, but you heard Bucky's sharp intake of breath and squeeze on your side. Eventually, the Captain shook his head, the light of life slowly draining from his eyes.

“I don't know how long they let me be in that room with her. Just that one moment I was about t' snap her neck an' the next the Hulk grabbed me an' knocked me out.

I woke up strapped to a bed an' she was layin' next t' me. My head hurt somethin' fierce an' I couldn't remember how I ended up there or who the beautiful woman beside me was.

I asked her who she was an' how she got all her injuries. She just looked at me an' said someone she loved very much got out of control an' she was standin' too close. I told her t' tell me who they were an' I would make sure never they hurt her again.

She just undid m' restraints an' started cryin' an' hugged me like I was some kinda hero t' her, which just made me feel worse. She was so familiar! Why couldn't I remember her?! Eventually, she sat up, kissed me between the eyebrows like always, an' apologized for what she had t' do.

T-the last thing I remember before she disappeared from my mind was telling her t' come back sometime an' s-she said 'D-don't I always?'

That's when I remembered m' best gal just t' forget her again! We always did that before every solo mission! An' she kept her promise! She still came back t' me for this this one!

I got a second chance at saving her an' I still fucked it up 'cause I couldn't be bothered t' ask her about why she kept listenin' t' that sick bastard of an ex-husband! I killed her 'cause I didn't want t' deal with the heavy stuff between us!"

Steve started crying again, gasping for air with every inhale and, Bucky, hugged him. Steve broke down in Bucky's arms grief and shame and anger. His soul was almost yours! All-

Bucky quickly let go of his platonic soul mate, turned you around, and held you tight. To, Steve, it just looked like he was comforting you, but you knew this was warning number two to control yourself.

You forced your mutation to stop by matching your breathing with Bucky's and focusing on the slightest spark of happiness, Steve, had that you couldn't quite place the source of. The purple glow disappeared somewhat and, Steve, started breathing a little easier. Bucky sighed in relief and ran a hand up and down your back with a silent thanks. 

“Steve," Bucky said, “It's like you told me, you were being controlled half the time."

“Yeah?" Steve sniffed, “Is that supposed t' make me feel better? I-I still did it! Please just leave me alone..."

“And let you continue to drown? That's not happening, Steve," you said firmly, “Come on to my room. We're snuggling all three of us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	13. Chapter 13

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A little while later, you woke slightly to a pair of soft lips on the back of your neck and a cold hand weaving it's way through your hair. You smiled a bit and turned to snuggle into the crook of his neck. Bucky sighed almost dreamily. 

_“That would be a lot less less creepy if she was awake, Buck."_

_“Shut up! For as long as I had to listen to you and Li fuckin' each other to sleep from down the fuckin' hall? Let me have this."_

_“You could actually have her if you just-!"_

_“I_ can't! _I still have this Soldier shit in my head! What if I-!"_

_“I went through the same thing with Li! (Y/N) won't care anymore than I did!"_

_“But (Y/N)'s not a supersoldier! She's not a god or an assassin! She's breakable!"_

Bucky ran a hand through your hair and stroked your cheek as he held you closer. 

“ _She's jus' a kid, Steve."_

_“So were you."_

Bucky went silent and you took that as your cue to wake up. You stirred and, Bucky, pulled away, much to your dismay. You sighed and kissed his nose.

“Morning, Bucky bear."

“Afternoon, baby doll," he smirked.

“What?!"

You rolled on top of him to look at the clock on the night stand. The Solider was right it was indeed early afternoon. You groaned and frowned at the blushing supersoldier.

“Why'd you let me sleep so late?!" you exclaimed.

“I-."

You sat up to straddle him, your irritation making you not realize how red he was getting or how wide, Steve, was smirking. This was rehearsal day for Pete's sake!

“We still have to shower and change and eat! Within two hours, Barnes!"

“Doll, _stop-."_

“Excuse you?" you scoffed.

You continued to ramble while gesturing wildly, causing you to repeatedly have to adjust yourself atop the soldier. Steve laughed and you reached over to slap him, but he kept moving away so you had to move accordingly. Bucky gripped your hips tight to still you and glared at Steve.

“Leave," he ordered.

“But-!" 

“Now!"

The Captain grumbled all the way out. You frowned down at, Bucky, who was beet red and had an odd expression on his face. You laid your hands on his chest with a raised eyebrow.

_“James, what-?"_

He flipped you hard onto your back and leaned in close. You could see that his eyes were black with a ring of blue and there was a ravenous gleam in them. A rather intimate part of the Sergeant was pressing against your thigh. You looked down, but he forcefully lifted your head to meet his eyes again.

_“I should fuck you till you go through the mattress for disobeying orders, you little slut."_

His lips on yours muffled your gasp as his hands trailed up your shirt until you felt cold metal and warm skin roughly fondling your chest. You never seen this part of him, but, even if, Bucky, having his way with you was something you'd been fantasizing about for years,  something about it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like it was,  _Bucky._

“Bu-Bucky...we shouldn't-." you began.

The supersoldier started sucking hickeys on your neck and grinding against you. You definitely involuntarily moaned then and he smirked against your skin. 

“YA nadeyus', chto ya poluchayu vy beremenny..."

Both yours and his shirts and pajama pants disappeared before you could say anything, leaving you in only your underwear and boxers. Bucky continued his quest to visibility mark you as his own until you put your hands through his hair, pulling him off you hard.

 _“_ I said _stop,_  James!"

The lust in his blue eyes turned to rage for a couple seconds before, Bucky, grabbed his head with a small whine of pain. After a still and tense minute, he opened his eyes, took one look at your almost nude body, and was off of you and dressed so fast that you didn't even register it until he tried to leave.

“Bucky, wait!" you shouted.

The supersoldier froze at the door and you pulled your shirt back on over your blazing hot skin. You walked over to him to put a hand on one of his strong arms, wishing that you were still wrapped in them, just in the love filled way it usually was, and the other on his cheek. He leaned into your touch and looked at the floor.

“ _I'm sorry, baby doll..."_

_“It's okay, but what's wrong? Why'd you-?"_

Bucky sighed in self-disgust and turned away from you breaking your mental bond. 

“It's stupid and after almost six fuckin' years of being free I should be able to fuckin' control myself, but every time I even think about being with you, _he_ rears his ugly head.

The Winter Soldier is my most basic primal instincts, (Y/N), moulded into one obedient monster. All it cares about it taking care of HYDRA's commands and its needs. I can't afford to give in, because one day I might not be able to stop at “stop". I might just take what I want and snap your neck too. Fury's family was on my list after the Avengers were out the way."

He put his hand on the door knob and started shaking.

“I don't want you becoming 'Mission Report, December 25, 2021'," Bucky whispered.

He opened the door and left out. You paused, instead of going after him. You knew his fears! They were your same ones. You were afraid of your mutation getting out of control, accidentally killing your family, and not being able to get back to normal.

But you didn't let that stop you from trying with your supersoldier. He was your best friend, your rock, your _control._

You ran into your room where he was sitting on the bed, having a staring contest with Steve.

“Steve, leave," you requested.

“But-!"

“Now!"

He grumbled all the way out your room. You turned your attention to the supersoldier on your bed and sat down behind to hug him. 

“You know how I feel on the matter, Bucky bear," you whispered, “I need you. Whether you'll have me as a friend or a more, I'm here the long haul."

Bucky swallowed hard and nodded. He put his hands on yours and you could get all his thoughts. All the apprehension, all the fear, all the adoration. All for you, as soon as he saw your photo. That he took from your file and carries with him.

_“That's real creepy, Buck."_

_“You got that huh?"_

_“Wait you know?"_

_“Your mouth kinda don't move when we're touching. I can still do two plus two equals four._ "

You laughed and hugged him tighter. 

“ _So now what?"_

_“Well, first of all this...."_

Bucky buried his face in your neck, apologizing over and over again for his lack of control. You reassured him that he didn't hurt you and that you would always forgive him for anything. You ran your hands through his hair, massaging his scalp to calm him down. Eventually, he sighed in content, laid his forehead on yours, and held your hands to his temples where he needed them the most. After five minutes, he nuzzled your nose and you laughed.

_“You feeling better, Bucky bear?"_

_“Only with you around, baby doll. Well, that and peanut butter sandwiches and plums are cool too."_

_“And here I thought we were having a moment!"_

_“We don't have time for a moment. Rehearsal remember?"_

“Fuck!" you exclaimed out loud, “We have to-!"

“NO! I DON'T WANT HIM NEAR M'-!"

At the sound of Steve's shouting, you stopped pulling on Bucky's hand to get him out of bed. You two looked at each other and went to glance out the window beside your bed. The Captain was by yours and Li's cars turning a dangerous shade of red as he talked into his phone.

“I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE WANTS! SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S BE- _fuck!"_

Steve took the phone from his ear and clutched his chest where his heart is. He put his head on the hood of the Major's car, taking in deep breaths. After a minute he put up his cell phone again.

“O-okay, okay. I'll let her make this call, but the moment it looks like it's goin' south, I want tha' bastard gone. An' tell him that if I, Steve Rogers, not Captain America, but _Steven Grant Rogers_ , has t' come over there, god help him an' forgive me."

Steve disconnected the call and leaned against the car behind him, looking up at sky with tears in his eyes.

“Keep her safe. _Please."_

You and Bucky both sat back against the headboard. You didn't think either of you were supposed to hear any of that.

_“Any idea on...?"_

_“He's been blocking me out since, Li, died. I- I-."_

Bucky looked down and shook his head. You could feel his guilt over not being able to help his friend, and took his hand and gave it a good squeeze. 

_“Bucky bear, you're doing all you can! You got him to tell me what happened between him and his romantic soul mate, that's something!"_

_“You just can't let two old veterans wallow in peace can you, baby doll?"_

He looked at you with a weak smile and you kissed his nose. At least you got something out of him. You started pulling on his hands again.

_“Come on we only gotmmmm!"_

Bucky put a hand on the back of your head and pushed you in for a kiss. It was soft, gentle, and controlled by both of you. You smiled against his lips after getting over the shock and buried your hands in his dark hair, pulling on it a bit. Bucky groaned deeply in his chest. His hands moved to sit you on his lap, as his tongue pressed up against your mouth in a non verbal question. You granted him his request and allowed him to explore your mouth while you mapped out his.

All that filled the room was the sound of your lips against his, the increasing amount and noise volume of his moaning, and heat rising between you two as your hands began to wander around the other's bodies-until, Bucky, pulled away. 

“God, I've been wanting to do that for real for two years," he whispered, “Not for missions, not in my dreams, but just you and me and..."

“My childhood bed?" you teased.

He laughed a bit while nuzzling your nose. He kept his forehead against yours, stealing small pecks now and then while he calmed himself down. You didn't want to calm down though. Every nerve in your body was on fire and you wanted nothing but for your supersoldier to put out the flames, but you respected his needs more than your own so you backed off too.

After a minute more, you two finally got up to get ready for the day. As you were about to go into the bathroom when, Bucky, grabbed your hand. You turned to drown in the blue of his eyes while he got lost in the burning earth color of yours.

_“I'll try, baby doll. I can't promise anything, I'll try 'us' out."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	14. Chapter 14

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“ _Travy, why are we doing the rehearsal on_ Christmas Day?" 

_“'Cause, Mom, said I couldn't actually get married today! Now put on the dress!"_

You sighed and grabbed Bucky's hand to pull him into the room. Both of you barely made it to the church on time to meet your irritated, already dressed brother. Why he wanted a full dress wedding rehearsal was still beyond you until now. He was so excited about getting married, that you didn't argue further. Plus, you were about to destroy his life in two days, might as well indulge him now.

Bucky turned around as you began to undress, but it didn't help him any cause there was a mirror on that side of the room too. You smiled a bit and shook your head as you slipped and zipped up as far as you could on the floor length, ice blue maid of honor dress your brother chose for you. It contrasted beautifully against your dark skin and its design highlighted what you think the best assets of your body are. But there was one thing....

“Bucky...I need you to finish zipping me up," you said.

“I don't...I'm kinda..." he mumbled.

You smiled more and came around, holding up your dress to face him. The supersoldier was bright red and trying to look everywhere that wasn't you. You gently put his eyes back on you.

_“James, you're not going to hurt me and no one is going to take me away because you want me, okay?"_

Bucky nodded slowly. He wasn't fully convinced, but he fully trusted you. You kissed his nose and turned around so he could see what he was doing. After a second's hesitation, you felt and heard the zipper gliding up until it finished at the base of your neck. Bucky put his arms around you and you smirked at his intense analyzing of you in the mirror.

_“I never get tired of seeing you get dolled up, baby doll."_

_“Down boy!"_

_“I'm trying-."_

_“You two can mess up the dress later! Rehearsal now!"_

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, your cousin, one of the groommaids/wedding planner, was directing everyone to their positions. You were standing next to your cousin on one side of the alter, your mom was standing at the entrance to the nave looking at her watch, and Travis and Daemon were making gooey eyes at each other. You looked down at the two supersoldiers sitting on the pews and started to roll your eyes, but frowned when you saw that they were having a heated mental conversation.

“Guys, guys, what's wrong?" you whispered.

Bucky met your eyes with concern while, Steve, appeared panicked, like he was slowly remembering something that someone tried very hard to make him forget.

“We-this whole marriage thing. It's so familiar-," Bucky started.

“Oh honey, we're so glad you're here! Come on come on!"

Your mother waved in a very old lady that looked uncomfortably similar to Daemon and Li. Steve frowned at with a flash of fear in his eyes. The lady mouthed “she's okay" at him and the Captain relaxed a bit. You looked at, Bucky, for explanation, but he was looking behind the old lady. You couldn't see what he was staring so shocked at, but when, Steve, looked in the same direction he went white as a sheet. 

“Daemon, I have a surprise for you!" your mother exclaimed.

The older lady shifted a bit to reveal two children that could be anymore than two or three: a boy and a girl. Your eyes widened as, Daemon, softly cursed. They looked like, Li, with their medium brown skin tone, wide eyes, and round faces. The girl had wild, dark coils that were put into a puff ball on her head. But the most disconcerting feature was the boy's eyes. They were a familiar blue. Steve's blue to be exact.

“These are Daemon's niece and nephew: Amy and Jamie. He's been taking care of them since their mother disappeared last year and he didn't know their father."

Your mother shook her head and prompted the kids to wave at you and your friends. You waved weakly back as did, Bucky, before he whipped around.

“St-."

Captain America fainted but, Bucky, caught him. You thought fast and decided to tell part of the truth for why a supersoldier would pass out like that.

“He and his fiancee lost a baby right before she died," you said quickly, “So he's going through a lot right now."

Daemon scowled deeply and stepped forward to help, Bucky, carry the unconscious supersoldier to lay him down on the front pew. 

“Babe, wake him up," Travis requested.

“What?" Daemon said, “Travis, no, I-."

Your brother stepped up to take his fiance's hands with a supportive smile. Daemon looked at him with great genuine fear in his eyes. Was this really the big scary HYDRA weapon, Steve, was going on about?

“You won't hurt me, babe," Travis soothed, “I'll stand across the room if it makes you feel better though."

Daemon swallowed hard and nodded. Your brother smiled wider, giving his soon to be husband a quick kiss before going to the other end of the church. When, Daemon was satisfied with his distance, he turned to the Captain.

“Everyone back up," he said.

Your mother and the older lady immediately took a few steps back with the kids. You and Bucky, however, didn't trust this guy as far as you could throw him and didn't budge. Daemon's fists and jaw clenched.

“I'm not asking again," he growled.

_“Sis, please, he's one of us."_

You looked back at your soul bonded sibling. He gave you a “well?" eyebrow raise and head gesture; you sighed and grabbed Bucky's hand, pulling him back.

_“Baby doll-."_

_“Aren't we ruining the moment enough, James? We can't do this here, not now."_

Bucky stared at you, but you were putting your foot down. This was not the time nor the place to out, Daemon, as HYDRA. Bucky realized you weren't going to move on your position, so he let himself be moved. Daemon relaxed a bit.

What happened next was, honestly, a complete blank to you. One minute, you were holding tightly onto Bucky's hand, the next you woke up to a pounding migraine and restrained on your bed with, Daemon, standing over you.

“How'd you find out about your mutation?" he greeted.

You blinked a couple times before, trying to sit up but that effort was in vain. You were aware that Li's brother was talking to you, but you were still trying to make sense of your situation. How did you get back home? Who tied you up? Where's Bucky?!

“Last time, (Y/N)!"

Your eyes forcefully met the blood red and murderous of Daemon's. The room darkened as the light was sucked out of it. He was breathing heavily, twitching like he was trying to control a part of himself internally, and looked about one nanosecond away from tearing your head off your body. There's the big scary HYDRA weapon, Steve, was going on about.

“How did you find out about your mutation?!" he shouted, “If you don't want a repeat of earlier, I suggest you tell me now!"

You frowned in confusion and, Daemon, let go of your face with a tired sigh.

“You don't remember do you?" he asked.

“Remember what?" you rasped out, finally.

Daemon glared at you for a long minute before he bent over to undo the fabric tying you to your bed posts. He then grabbed you by the collar and into the guest room, Steve, was occupying.

Everyone was gathered around the bed in various stages of distress until you came in and their expressions turned into fear, as they bunched together like they were protecting something from you. You looked around at your family in bewilderment, when your eyes fell to your romantic soul mate. 

Bucky was the only one who didn't turn to face you. Your eyes widened when you saw the supersoldier covered in blood that didn't appear to be his own. You turned to, Daemon, feeling sick.

“What-what-?" you stuttered.

“YOU ALMOST KILLED HIM!"

Bucky finally faced you with pain, guilt, and rage blazing in his bright blue eyes. You shrunk as he roared for everyone to get out. After a second of hesitation and, Bucky, flexing his metal hand, everyone cleared out. You were met with the sight of Captain America laying still unconscious and paler than ever on the bed with heavy bandages around his chest, especially where his heart is. Your blood ran cold and you felt like you were about to faint. You couldn't do that to one of your best friends!

“I knew I should've put you off this mission, as soon as, Li, died, but I let my soul get the better of my head!" Bucky continued, “I thought that maybe you could control the monster inside, but I, of all people, should know better than that!"

He turned away from you again and sat down on the bed next to his platonic soul mate, shaking in silent tears. You walked slowly forward with tears coming down your own face. You put a hand on back of his head so your mental bond would work.

 _“Baby-baby, I'm s-!"_  

Bucky jumped up and held you as close as he could, all of his emotions making you violently vibrate. You held him even closer and buried your face in his shoulder.

 _“Do-don't ever scare me like that again, baby doll,_ p-please! _I-I thought I'd lost both my soul mates!_ "

Bucky cried harder and you were at a loss for what to say as you still had no idea what happened. Daemon cleared his throat and you sighed.

“What is it, Daemon?" you asked.

“I'll catch you up on what you did, but I really need to know how you found out about your mutation," he answered.

“I don't-."

“Tell him, (Y/L/N)," Sergeant Barnes commanded.

You looked up into his eyes and they held no room for argument. You decided to leave why, Bucky, was listening this guy for later. You took a deep breath and started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been like 84 years. I have no excuse, just that I warned you in the beginning. Here's a refresher:
> 
> “I'll catch you up on what you did, but I really need to know how you found out about your mutation," he answered.
> 
> “I don't-."
> 
> “Tell him, (Y/L/N)," Sergeant Barnes commanded.
> 
> You looked up into his eyes and they held no room for argument. You decided to leave why, Bucky, is listening this guy for later. You took a deep breath and started.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Try to keep up old man!" you exclaimed.

The team came to an underground base, the source of the recent epidemic of unstable mutants. Bruce and Tony cooked up an antidote now it just needed administration. 

Now, you ran past the Winter Solider after punching out your tenth wannabe superpowered bad guy in a row, and he frowned slightly at the bleeding slash marks in your suit. You frowned right back at at the large slash from his forehead to his jawline.

You had the misfortune of going toe to toe with a knife handed woman that seemed straight from Mortal Kombat. Bucky's opponent was a diamond skinned person that would've been an easy target if he wasn't so worried about you. You slowed down and kissed his uninjured cheek.

“I'm fine, Buck," you whispered.

“Promise I can take care of you after this?" 

“James..."

“Please? I don't need you in the hospital from infection again," he begged.

You huffed at the memory. Yes, you didn't clean your mission wounds last year and you almost went septic because of a rusty knife to the leg, but you lived! Not that it stopped your soul mate from doubling down on his protective nature towards you.

“Fine," you consented.

Bucky sighed and nuzzled your nose, before looking up at Iron Man going past above you two.

“Who's old? Well, besides Iron Butt?" Bucky smirked.

“Mom, your boyfriend is being mean to me!" Tony whined to Steve.

Captain America's groan of righteous annoyance could be heard from everyone's ear com.

“Could everyone-GET DOWN!"

You and Bucky dived, but, Tony, was the one narrowly avoiding-

“A giant ceiling saw? Really?!" he grumbled, “And it scratched my new paint job!"

“What a-guys incoming!"

You pointed at the approaching enemies, but the team just stared at your finger in confusion. 

“Doll, what-?" Bucky began.

You growled in frustration and ran headfirst into the line of fire. Sometimes you swore you they were multiple pieces of a whole idiot. 

You're not sure how you made it, four on one with a couple more on the way. They were hulk size, weirdly proportioned, fast, unfairly strong, and gave off an inhuman amount of heat. 

“No way you," you laughed.

You smirked widely as years of being a weeb prepared you for this moment. You took out your machetes. They weren't the proper weapons for this, but they'll do.

“(Y/N)!" Bucky shouted, “What're you doin'?!" 

“Ridding the world of every last stinking titan!" you exclaimed maniacally.

* * *

 

After the last nape of a neck was sliced, you let out a triumphant shout and held up your destroyed blades in victory. You couldn't wait to tell them this story. Unfortunately, the reception you got was a paper white soul mate and a livid first supersoldier.

“Haunter we brought you along on the condition that you behaved and followed orders!" Captain America scolded.

“You guys couldn't see them! What was I supposed to do?!" you argued. 

The dip between Steve's eyes was severe, but not as terrible as the shaking in Bucky's hands as they looked over you. After they made the shocking conclusion that you were still alive, he relaxed a bit and looked back at his first soul mate.

“Steve, she just saved us!" 

“Almost at the cost of herself! We go down as a team, Buck!"

Bucky made a noncommittal grunt and continued to check you for any fatal injuries. Not that you felt them. You just successfully subjugated all seven monsters and were currently riding an incredible adrenaline rush. You also were trying desperately to ignore the feeling of your soul mate's strong hands on your body and the concern in his bright blue eyes. You frowned and put your hands over his.

“Buck-."

“Don't you leave me in the dark like that!" he hissed, “Me and you are a team, remember?!"

You came down from your high just enough to feel the pain you were in and the real danger you just made him have to watch you go though, made even worse because he couldn't see what you were fighting. 

“Bucky...Bucky bear I'm sorry," you apologized.

The supersoldier sighed and put his forehead on yours, forgetting the current company.

“I know, baby doll, I know," he whispered, “I just don't ever want to bring you home in a body bag."

“Besides, jerk," Steve continued with a smirk, “You're in love with her, your opinion's invalid."

“Shut up! No, I'm not!"

Bucky's body was away from yours so fast you were sure you just imagined the last five minutes and he blushed bright red for a moment before giving you a clean bill of health. You gave him a grateful smile and were about to open your mouth again when you felt a scratching around in your brain.

_“What are you dumbasses doing here?"_

Everyone turned around to see a bright green figure with white sparkling eyes. It looked into every on guard body, settling long on the Captain before going to you. You froze in fear because it had no facial expressions, but you also felt...sad. That feeling was squashed quickly.

_“Well are you going to answer me or naw?"_

“You are one of them," Wanda stated. The mutant laughed as her eyes went to the Scarlett Witch.

_“Great observation, Sherlock! What are you going to deduce next? My mutations? Who's head's exploding first?!"_

“ReSpawn, enough," another deep voice boomed through the room.

ReSpawn stiffened to attention and you looked around for the source of the new sound to no avail. You instinctively drew closer to Bucky.

 “Avengers, you have two options. Leave or die," the deep voice said.

“We'll take number three," Steve ordered, “Tell us what the hell is going on!"

“ReSpawn, do your duty."

The mutant sighed and looked at the ground. Her hands seemed to be powering up for a moment before they stopped.

_“I know I'm gonna regret this..."_

“Wha-?" Steve began.

Suddenly, everyone went down in various levels of distress. Tony was back in his middle eastern prison and watching, Pepper, slip and fall to her “death" over and over. Clint was Loki's puppet again along with some other darker recesses of his life that you couldn't make out. Natasha was in the red room. Sam was watching, Riley, crash land. It was all so...d _elicious._

You felt a sensation akin to your body separating from itself as you fed of your friends' despair.

“Baby girl-Li, I'm sorry!"

“Let go of me, Captain. You know I can't teleport you if you're touching me!"

You felt a strong surge of guilt and sadness coming from the blond supersoldier and turned to make your way over. Steve was on his knees, sobbing and holding on to, ReSpawn, for dear life. The mutant realized your nearing presence and started struggling even more to get away.

“Steve, get off!" she commanded.

“NO!" he cried, “Please don't leave me again, sweetheart! I can't stand it!"

“Can't stand what Captain?" you whispered, “Being a failure as a husband and a father?"

Steve started shaking uncontrollably hard against his wife as he tried to shrink away from you. You smiled. There was no where to hide now that you were in his head.

_“What right did you have to rip her from her life with her brother and ex-husband just to fill her with lies that you would protect her?"_

“I-I-I w-wasn't lying!" Steve exclaimed, “I love her!" 

_“You loved her so much that you filed for divorce and full custody after she just lost a baby?!"_

“She snapped! They shot her because she went back t' before we 'met'! She tried t' kill m' kids!", he defended, “We had t' sedate her for months an'-I was scared!"

_“Who was the moron that didn't want to leave them at home like she said to do?!"_

The Captain slid off his soul mate and onto the floor, completely engulfed in a dark purple glow that was slowly turning red. You put a hand on his back, right where his heart is.

_“And did you forget that when the coin was flipped, she stayed? You nearly killed her and she didn't give up on you for a minute!"_

“I-I-!"

_“Stop it!"_

Both yours and Steve's heads went to the direction of the shout as the room went up a hundred degrees. ReSpawn was standing tall and firm, hands tightly clenched and shaking at her sides.

_“Leave my husband alone, bitch! I forgave him a long time ago!"_

You smiled and stood up as you began to break down the Major's mind walls. She faltered a bit as you came towards.

 _“Okay, let's talk about you then,_  73143."

Li's eyes narrowed to slits and you saw a purple glow come around her as well.

_“HYDRA's crown jewel? I can only imagine the amount of blood on your hands."_

_“I regret nothing!"_

_“Oh_ really? _I'm pretty sure I can find-oh there it is...."_

You put your hand on the superhuman's heart and held her in place. Her green exterior gave way to her medium brown skinned, dark haired and eyed human appearance as you broke into every piece of her life.  

_“So all wasn't well in paradise?"_

“I-It was only once-I made a mistake-I-I-!" Li stuttered.

She dissolved into tears and you let out an internal shout of triumph. You shoved your hand in the Major's chest.

_“You don't deserve this, you know that right?"_

You gave her heart a rough squeeze and she let out out scream of agreement while blood flowed out around her mouth and around your arm.

“She cheated on you Captain! With _him_ of all people!" you announced, “You loved the monster she will always be and she betrayed you for him!"

Li was starting to go limp in your hand just as you were starting to see her beating heart. Steve was too incapacitated to come to her rescue as was everyone else. You steadied yourself to put the final nail in her coffin when you were grabbed from behind and made to face two scared blue eyes. 

“(Y/N), snap out of it! Breathe!" Bucky ordered.

You slapped the Soldier's hands off of you and scoffed, turning your attention back to the bleeding mutant on the concrete floor. That  metal armed idiot was always holding you back! You had something for him when you've drained every last drop of life from the Major. Bucky grabbed you again, pulling you away.

“Baby doll, STOP! Look at yourself!" Bucky begged, “Is this what you really want to become?!"

You looked down at your reflection in his arm and your eyes widened. You were glowing a deep purple that threatened to engulf you, but the scariest thing was your eyes. They were just dark black holes with red dots in your skull like face. You shook your head.

“That's not me!" you whispered, “I'm not..."

You looked down further at, Li, who was sobbing uncontrollably in the fetal position. 

“Just do it!" she pleaded, “I don't deserve my life, just kill me!"

You turned your attention to the room of heroes reduced to nothing by the memories, Li, forced them to relive and you intensified to the point of killing them with grief. You started shaking and curled into your supersoldier.

“I-I-I didn't mean it! I-I'm sorry!"

“I know, doll, I know," Bucky soothed, “Believe me, I know."

* * *

 

You wiped your eyes and laid down on Bucky's chest. He nuzzled your nose and gave him the smile he wanted out of you.

“So how did you get out?" Daemon asked.

You frowned again and a couple more tears leaked out. Bucky wiped them away and you addressed Li's brother without taking your eyes off your soul mate's.

“Li healed up enough to take our memories and teleport us out," you sniffed, “Only thing we knew the facility was destroyed and we won. I didn't even remember any of that before I started talking."

Daemon nodded and stood up to pace the room. He was still twitching and the room was still uncomfortably cold and dark. Finally, he stopped in front of you again. He knelt down and his red eyes met yours. You were confused by the glimmer of hope in them.

“The same thing happened," he stated, “The Captain's emotions went off the charts when I woke him up, you snapped and almost ripped out his heart."

You gasped and hung your head. You should've known-suddenly, there was a cold hand on your shoulder, but it wasn't metallic. You picked your head back up and, Daemon, was looking at you in wonder.

“But you stopped yourself! How do you do it?! Tell me....p-please?" he exclaimed.

You frowned and shook your head. You didn't know how you do it you just _do._ Daemon's face fell.

“I'm sorry," you said.

“It's okay," he grunted.

He walked out. A minute later you heard a door slam and glass, among other things, breaking. You saw your brother run past into the room his fiancee was in. There was shouting, crying, and then silence. You looked back at, Bucky, who was staring at his platonic soul mate.

“He'll be okay right?" you whispered.

“Yeah, yeah," he nodded, “It's just hard ya know? I'm supposed t' protect him-!"

You made your soul mate look at you and kissed the tears from his eyes.

_“James Buchanan Barnes, this is not your fault, do you hear me? From what I can tell nothing can stop me once I get started! It's a miracle that you're immune to me!"_

You gave him a small peck on the lips. He relaxed and held you closer.

_“It's not so much immunity as learning to forgive myself. Sure, I have the small regrets. I can't remember my recipes on occasion, my fear of being judged keeps me from showing off my best girl, not telling you I love you before every mission..."_

You laughed and rolled your eyes.

_“But my time at HYDRA, all those people I killled. It wasn't me, not the real me. When I finally got out I didn't want to kill anyone, I just wanted to be left alone. If seventy years didn't make Bucky Barnes a monster permanently, then your mutation doesn't make you one. It's just another thing for us to deal with. Together."_

He nuzzled your nose again and you gave him a proper kiss. He buried his hands in your hair to pull you closer and settled back in his chair. After a minute, he let you go. 

 _“I love you, baby doll._ I love you _."_

_“I love you, too, Bucky bear."_

_“I'd love it if ya got a room."_

Both of you whipped around to see Captain America smirking at you two. You jumped up to give him a hug, but remembered that you were the reason he was lying there. Steve noticed your mood change and held out his arms as best he could.

“It's okay," he promised, “You should've seen the other guy."

He flashed his signature “it only hurt a little" smile and you rolled your eyes, giving into his charm.

“Alright, Rogers," Bucky frowned, “You're thirty seconds are up. Gimme her back."

“That wasn't any more than twenty-n-ow fuck..." 

Steve face pinched in pain and he sunk into the bed again as he let you go. You were about to suggest that you and, Bucky, leave so the Captain could rest, when a small voice beat you to it.

All three of you looked to the door way to see a woman who was long dead. She was staring at a point just beyond everyone, leaning on the wall, tapping her prosthetic leg with her walking stick.

“I got it from here, bros," Li said.

There was a small noise of pain behind you. Steve was sitting up, bleeding freely from his chest again in wide eyed distress.

“Sweetheart, what-why are you here? What about John?"

“Daemon told me a friend of mine was sick. I don't have friends so I wanted to see what he was talking about," she shrugged, “And I already have something coming to me for overcooking his food again anyway."

The Major walked over to her soul mate and reached around to put a hand through his hair. Tears started forming in Steve's eyes and he blocked out everything that didn't have to do with his wife. You grabbed Bucky's hand to pull him out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should write about how Daemon and Travis met. That sounds fun... 
> 
> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	16. Chapter 16

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, what?!" you and Bucky exclaimed at the same time.

“Li?" 

“Alive?"

“HOW?"

Bucky put his hands up and you both shut up. You took a deep breath and slowly let it out; he started pacing. Finally, you were able to speak.

“She was dead and now she's not."

“Yeah, I gathered that, baby doll. I don't understand how though! Steve saw her die and-."

Bucky stopped and furrowed his brow, his eyes fixed on  the door. You frowned and got closer to him.

“Buck-."

He grabbed your hand with his non-prosthetic one and suddenly you came face to face with the Major.

_“-ya remember me, Li?"_

_“Bits and pieces. I remember when you brought me to the hospital I feel like it was more than once too, remember your favorite pancakes are chocolate-."_

You yanked your hand from your soul mate's and folded your arms with a scowl. He raised his eyebrow.

“James  Buchanan Barnes! This is the sneakiest, lowest thing you've ever done and how do you do it?"

The supersoldier smiled nervously and ran a hand through his hair with a shrug.

“I've been able t' do ever since he and Li 'met'.  I dunno how I can get int' their bond, but he's never blocked me out of it so I don't think he knows I can do it."

Bucky looked away from your soul piercing stare.

“It's how I've took care of them for years..."

You continued to glare, but you couldn't deny it was the best way to know how, Li,  came back from the dead. You held your hand back out and pulled your supersoldier close.

_“Well, what are you waiting for sergeant? Get us back in there."_

Bucky relaxed in your arms. The corners  of your mouth turned up in amusement and he put his forehead on yours.

“... _remember marrying my John_ ," Li said, _“Best day of my life is when I became Mrs. Davis. John cleared every thing up for me when I woke up in the morgue a few days ago, but he never mentioned Captain America..."_

You felt  a wave of sadness and anger wash over you as, Steve, looked down at Li's feet. After a minute, he looked back up at his confused wife and held out his hands.

_“Give me your hands. Please?"_

Li frowned and hesitated. Steve's eyes started misting over.

_“I won't hurt ya, sweetheart. I promise."_

 

* * *

 

_“Where....a-a-a-am I-I?"_

_“Ya in the hospital, ma'am! I-."_

_“No!"_

_The strange, blind girl sat up and tried to get out of bed, but, Steve, held her down as best his tiny frame could._

_“Miss, ya hurt real bad! Stop movin'!" he ordered._

_“I can't....stay!" she panicked, “They'll-!"_

_“HoNey!"_

_Steve looked over at the door there was an average height white boy that couldn't be more than eighteen. He had black hair and eyes a sickening shade of green. His most noticeable features, however, were the scar going from his hairline to his cheek and disproportionately small, skinny arm. The boy looked at the lady and she started shaking._

_“J-J-John!"_

_John came over and moved in between Steve and the girl. Steve looked over at her and she reached around till she found John's arm. She hesitantly laid her head on it._

_“Thank you for taking care of my wife kid. You can leave now."_

_Steve raised an eyebrow at the likely lie. This girl couldn't be more than fifteen. Coupling her age with the slight trembling in the girl's body, Steve, was apprehensive about leaving._

_“Don't ya want t' know how I found her?" he asked John._

_“She can tell me, right, hon?"_

_The girl nodded and held on tighter to her “husband". Steve sighed._

_“Do ya want me t' leave, miss?"_

_She nodded slowly and her husband frowned at her hesitation. Steve didn't like it, but he couldn't argue. He didn't have proof of the girl's age and they both wanted him out. He took his leave and a fourth of the way down the hall, eavesdropped instead._

_“What were you thinking! We could've been found out!" John shouted._

_“I'm....s-s-s-s-!"_

_“Shut up! I'm so sick of your sorries! You look sorry!"_

_“B-b-baby, w-w-what....happened...t'...y-y-ya?!" the girl cried, “Wh-what did they do t' ya?"_

_“They didn't do anything!_  That's _the fuckin' problem!" John bellowed, “You have all that power in you and you're too stupid to use it while I still sit here with a fucked up arm and all the medical bills! I'm sick of it!"_

_The girl let out a cry of pain as the loud, uncomfortable sound of skin hitting skin echoed through the hall. Steve clenched his hands and went back inside to see, John, raising his good hand to his cowering, sobbing “wife"._

_“HEY! WHADDYA THINK YA DOIN'?" the blond exclaimed._

_John turned around and put his hand on his wife's. She immediately faced the opposite direction so, Steve, couldn't see her face._

_“I'm trying to have a private conversation with my wife. What are you doing here, kid? You did your scout badge now leave!"_

_“I just heard ya hit her!"_

_John clenched his fist around his wife's hand. She started shaking harder and, Steve, started seeing red._

_“How dare you accuse me of something so terrible? Did I hit you, honey?"_

_The girl was silent and her husband frowned._

_“I said, did I hit you, honey?"_

_She shook her head and her husband growled and forcefully turned her around, opening some of her stiches. Steve could see the red swelling handprint on her cheek and all he wanted to do was knock this guy out and take this child some place safe._

_“I want to hear you say it,_ dear _."_

_The trembling girl stared at a point just beyond, Steve, with hurt and confusion contorting her face._

_“H-he didn't h-hit.....me."_

_Steve's face softened in sadness as she repeated it again. John sneered._

_“There you go. Now leave."_

_Steve left with one last look at the silently suffering girl, but continued to listen to them down the hall._

_“I'm sorry, honey," John sighed, “I'm just really tired from all the testing. I won't hurt you again."_

_“P-promise?"_

_“I promise."_

_\------_

_“Make my day, bitch! Fight me back!"_

_“You...know I....can't-!""_

_The man growled started kicking her repeatedly into the alley wall. Steve couldn't believe everyone just kept walking past this assault and took off across the street._

_When he got close enough to make out the their features, the Captain couldn't believe his eyes. It was the same young couple from seventy years ago, just all grown up._

_“You're weak and stupid!" John spat, punctuating every word with a kick to the head, “YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR POWERS! I DO!"_

_“HEY! WHADDYA THINK YA DOIN'?"_

_John turned around to meet a fist to his face. He tried to fight back, but was no match against Captain America. He pushed the unconscious man away and bent down to the beaten woman._

_“Let me get ya out of here, ma'am-."_

_She growled and slapped his hands away._

_“W-w-why can't y-ya just leave us.....a-alone?" she asked._

_“Be-because he's hurtin' ya, miss!" Steve exclaimed, “I ain't gonna ignore it!"_

_“I-I-I am.....fine! He w-w-works hard...an' I just make things more....dif-difficult....for...him..."_

_“_ That's not an excuse _!" he reasoned, “Ya don't deserve t' be treated like this, miss."_

_The woman broke down, curled into a ball, and covered her face. Steve sat her up to hug her and suddenly somehow felt every bit of her pain._

_“I-I don't.....got.....now-w-where else t-t' go!" she sobbed, “He's the only...one wh-who'll take care of m-me!"_

_“Come with me. I'll keep you safe," the Captain promised,_ _“I'll never let him touch ya again, miss. Please let me help ya this time?"_

_She quieted for a long  time. The Captain ran a hand up and down her back. He couldn't figure out why, but he felt this instinctive nature to never let her out of his sight again, like he needed to protect her at all costs. Finally, she nodded._

_“Can I carry ya, ma'am?" he asked gently._

_“N-no you can't c-carry me. Just h-h-help me.....walk."_

_She moved to get up and he put his arm around her to help the woman stand. She leaned into him and he looked down at her. She  was so small, just barely reaching his shoulder, but her inner strength and stubbornness seemed to make up  for her unintimidating exterior. The Captain smiled, reminded of someone similar he used  to know._

_“M' name's Steve, Steve Rogers by the way."_

_She finally made eye contact with him. There  were so many questions in her eyes._

_“Cool story...."_

_\------_

 

_“Ma'am! Ma'am, it was a dream! It's not real."_

_The Major kept shaking and backing away into the corner of her room. Steve's hands were up in  a peaceful gesture for the third time this week._

_“Ya safe, miss."_

_He took her in his arms and she held him tight, sobbing into his shoulder. Steve kissed her temple and kept his lips there._

_“I gotcha, miss," he promised._

_“St-Steve?"_

_She pulled back and looked into his eyes, Steve sighed in relief at the sign of recognition in them._

_“Yes. Yes, it's-oh don't cry. Please don't cry, he's not worth the energy sweetheart."_

_“B-B-but they'll find me."_

_“How long have you been here?"_

_“A m-month."_

_“And have they got ya?"_

_“N-no."_

_“There ya go."_

_She sniffed and laid back on her pillow. Steve waited a second before getting up, but the Major held his hand. Her big dark eyes were shining with tears and the Captain sat back down. No matter what she said with that look, he would do it._

_“C-can you s-s-s_ _tay?_ _W-w-with me?"_

_Steve's eyebrows shot up and the Major looked away with a very slight  blush. After a second of getting over the shock, he nodded._

_“Of course, sweetheart."_

_He got underneath the covers and tucked the both of them in. When he laid down the Major  was facing him, scanning his head for some sort of deception in his kindness. She couldn't and never would._

_“L- Li Dav-Jones. My name is Li Jones."_

_Steve's eyes widened and he gaped like a fish for a moment before taking her hand and kissing it. Li blushed as much as her skin color allowed again._

_“That's a pretty name...for a beautiful woman."_

_\------_

_“Can I kiss you?"_

_“I am your girlfriend, you sap."_

_Li looked at him in amusement, waiting for his move. The Captain blushed deeply thinking about his next question. He hoped six months into their relationship this wouldn't be awkward, but here he was. Finally, he just went for it._

_“Can-can I make love t' ya?"_

_Li's eyebrows shot up and the supersoldier was about to back track when the Major rolled over on top of him._

_“Yes, please, Steve..."_

\------

“ _That's it, Mrs. Rogers keep pushing! She's out, she's out!" the doctor shouted._

_The second the Captain cut Amy's umbilical cord and the doctor laid his little girl in his arms, Steve, knew life couldn't get any better than this moment. Being leader of the Avengers, being a living legend, having a museum exhibit, he would give it all up to keep the family he didn't even know he wanted. Steve looked up at his wife and newborn son with tears in his eyes. Li sat up and kissed him between the eyebrows; he kissed her temple._

_“I love ya, Li."_

_“I love you too, Steve."_

_\------_

_“Amy, stop! NO, James!"_

_“It's their first birthday, Steve, what do  you expect?"_

_The  Captain sighed and sat back down as his children continued to run around the Tower covered in birthday cake. He pulled his wife into his lap and she kissed him between the eyebrows. He relaxed. At least there's only two of them._

_“Steve, I'm pregnant...."_

_“WHAT?"_

_\------_

_“That-that can't be-we never-!"_

Steve's hands tightened on his wife's as she started to panic.

 _“Yes, we did, sweetheart._ _I remember now."_

_“I remember ya bein' pregnant with them, I remember how excited we were once the shock of me knockin' ya up was gone, I remember gettin' down on m' knee and askin' ya t' let me make our family official."_

_“I remember marryin' ya on the beach. Ya were so breathtakin' that day, baby girl. Ya dress was flowin' behind ya, the sun made ya glowin'... I thought I was gonna pass out watchin' m' angel walk down the aisle....we had somethin' special, sweetheart."_

He looked down, swallowing the pain of remembering their lost child, of losing his wife, of losing their life together because of their combined terrible decisions.

_“We've both made mistakes. Ya forgave me for all of mine an' punished yaself for yours. It's time I apologised too."_

He got up, despite his pain so her could be on her level.

_“Li, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everythin' I've done t' hurt ya an' our family. There's nothin' I can do that will ever make up for it, but I never stopped loving ya, sweetheart. Please believe me!"_

Li faced the floor and shook her head. Steve's breath hitched.

_“Captain...Captain I-I should leave-."_

_“No! Please listen t' me, sweetheart!"_

He cupped her cheeks and locked his eyes on hers.

 _“Ya mine, baby. Ya m' best girl, the mother of m' children, ya m'_ soul mate _, baby! Ya got the most beautiful brown eyes; ya gave 'em t' our Amelia!"_

_“That all sounds wonderful, Captain, but I'm sure you're mistaken. I'm very...content with my John."_

_“He's destroyin' ya, Li! When's the last time ya ate? Slept? When's the last time ya could see?"_

Li pushed off him in white hot rage.

“M' life with m' husband ain't no business of yours!" she exclaimed.

“IT IS WHEN YA _M_ ' WIFE! YA MARRIED _ME!"_ the Captain snapped, “YA DIVORCED THAT BASTARD AN' MARRIED _ME_ FOUR YEARS AGO!"

Steve got down on his knees and took her hands, tears clouding his vision.

 _“P-please,_ please _come home! Come back t' me, Li, I love ya!"_

Li stood up her face etched in sadness for the confused man in front of her. She shook her hands out of his and went to the door.

_“It was nice meeting you again, Captain, but my husband is waiting for me. You-you should find your wife, she sounds lovely."_

_“No! Wait, baby, please-!"_

_“And try to not t' get your heart ripped out again, yeah?"_

She closed the door behind her and went quickly past you and, Bucky, who pulled you two out of the Captain's head. The next second, you heard breaking glass in the room. Bucky tried the knob, but it was locked.

“Steve-!" he started.

“Go _AWAY!"_

“Oh, no you don't punk! We're not playing that game again. We're coming in!"

Bucky busted opened the door and you two met the sight of a completely trashed guest room along with a raging, tear stained, and bloodied knuckled blond supersoldier.

“I SAID _GO AWAY!"_

“Steve, please calm down?"  you asked gently.

The Captain went limp and put his head in his hands, shaking with tears for a moment before growling and grabbing the nearest, unbroken thing- a lamp- and chucking it at you and Bucky.

“GET OUT!" he screamed, “LEAVE ME _ALONE!"_

You dodged it, but, Steve, just kept throwing things.

“Steve, Steve we just want to help-!" you begged.

“I TOLDJA YA CAN'T SO JUST GO! LEAVE ME LIKE SHE DID-FUCK!"

Steve grabbed his now bleeding chest and sat down hard the ground. You and Bucky cautiously made your way over to him.

“S-s-she left me a-a-an' this time I have t' remember everythin'!"

“S-she she doesn't remember me...w-when she woke up in the morgue  _he_ was there t' fill her head up with bullshit again. SHE MADE ME FORGET SHE'S IMMORTAL!"

“What?!" you and Bucky exclaimed at the same time. Steve was too far gone to noticed.

“I-I dunno if I can face 'em at the weddin', (Y/N)!" he panicked, “The first time he touches her in front of me, I'm gonna lose it!"

He buried his face in his hands and you bent down to hug him.

“For eight years, I made it m' personal mission t' save her an' I did! I did! S-she was makin' a real life for herself an' I still can't believe s-she chose t' make it with me....AN' I THREW IT ALL AWAY!"

“Steve, I need you to focus on the present, pal!" Bucky pleaded, “You can't break on us! You still have the team!"

Captain America slammed his fists on the floor, cracking the wood.  The range of emotions on his terrified you, but you just held him tighter.

“ _YA NOT GETTIN' IT_! I DON'T WANT THE TEAM! I DON'T WANT T' SAVE THE WORLD OR RISK M' LIFE EVERY DAY!"

His head dropped to the crook of your neck, soaking your shoulder.

“I-I just want m-m-m' family!" he cried, “I want m' wife! I want m' babies! B-but I'll never see 'em again after t'morrow!

Even if if we save, Travis, Li's going t' disappear with, Davis, again an' m' kids'll be put in the foster system because Daemon's their legal guardian an' no judge is gonna say that I'm a stable home for them! I beat up aliens with a thunder god for Pete's sake!

M' wife an' m-m' kids don't know who I am...The last two years of m' life have been a lie...I have nothin', Buck! I lost _everythin! AGAIN!"_

He pushed off you and grabbed you by the upper arms, squeezing you hard.  You wanted to run away from the agony  in his eyes,  but he was holding you so tight you couldn't.

“WHY'D YA STOP? WHY DIDN'T YA KILL ME?!"

Bucky finally pried his platonic soul mate off of you and, Steve, slumped against the wall. You sat on the bed. Oddly enough, your mutation wasn't escalating the situation. You couldn't get anything from the Captain. His head was completely empty. Bucky took his friend by the shoulders.

“Steve, buddy, listen. I know that place you're going to! You can't do that to yourself!"

A million and one emotions went across Steve's face before it went blank.

“I did it t' m' baby girl..." he whispered, “Why do I deserve any less?"

“No, Steve, god damn it!"

The Captain shut down completely with a familiar “the lights are on but nobody's home" look in his eyes. The one you snapped, Bucky, out of so many times before he learned to do it himself. But you weren't going to be able to get through to, Steve, because it wasn't his head that was abused and broken. Heartbreak is something you cause not fix.

“James, James! Forget it! There's only so much a person can take. It was bad enough when he woke up from the ice, having to rebuild his life from that and then have that life erased, just to remember it all at once? He basically had an atomic bomb dropped on him again."

Bucky sighed, let go, and looked sadly at his friend.

“What's he thinking about?"

“He's not-! I-!"

The Soldier punched a hole in the wall with a growl,  and you hurried over to turn him around to face you.

“James Buchanan Barnes, don't you dare! I need you!"

“I'm not, (Y/N), I'm not! It's just, for six years he's been there for me a-and I can't return the favor because he won't let me! I knew that girl was nothing but bad news for him and I-!"

“James, stop! This is no one's fault! You can't help who you fall in love with!"

“Well, what are we gonna do? How are we going to explain to everyone why he's not there tomorrow?"

“Just tell them that Li's death finally got to him and we can't get him out of bed."

You both looked down at the broken man. Bucky picked him up and laid him on the bed. The sergeant took one last look at him before dragging you out of the room with him.

You hit your head on the door, wiping the tears forming in the corners of your eyes. Bucky gently took you in his arms and planted his lips on top of your head.

_“Are we officially taking him out of the mission or?"_

_“No, no I don't feel like dealing with my uncle right now._ _Let's just go to bed._ "

He nodded and picked you up to carry you to your bedroom. Half an hour later, both of you were showered and cuddled together in your bed. You raked your hand through your boyfriend's damp hair as he buried his face in your chest. You pretended like you didn't feel him crying against you.

_“Bucky bear, I don't wanna be an Avenger anymore..."_

_“Too late for that, baby doll."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sappy I'm sorry

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a couple of hours of calming down, you and Bucky finally fell asleep. Of course, it didn't last long. You woke up a while later to your soul mate's death grip on you.

_“No...no...please!"_

You reached out to turn on your bed side lamp and found  the supersoldier's face covered in tears, his eyes squeezed shut in a nightmare he couldn't escape. Your blood ran cold. Since you came to live at the Tower and eventually you both started sleeping in each other's room whenever needed, his nightmares and relapses did cut down a lot according to the team. That didn't mean they were nonexistent, especially when stressed.

_“Please, I'll come back quietly! Just don't-!_ _"_

“Bucky-!" you started.

Suddenly, you were surrounded  by what seemed to be a glass box. Outside it, Bucky, was on his knees, begging for mercy from a shadowy figure that held a gun to your head.

You were tied up with Steve and child size person that you couldn't quite make out the features of that were already dead. The person with a gun, laughed, said something in Russian, and pulled the trigger. You watched in horror as your blood joined Steve's and the kid's.

In this dream, Bucky, stared in wide eyed shock at his slaughtered family. You pounded on the glass to get his attention long enough to snap him out of it, but then in reality, you felt a shift Bucky's mental state. It went cold, mechanical and you were back in the bed.

Bucky's metal arm clenched at its spot by your head with quiet whurrs and hissed from the hydraulic system, Tony, created for it. The supersoldier's eyes were still tightly closed so you knew whatever happened next, he couldn't be blamed for it. That gave you little comfort, however, as he slowly sat up with nothing but murder etched into his face. Your breath hitched.

“ya tebya ub'yu...."

“James...." you gasped.  You slowly started making your way out of his arms and his overly dilated eyes snapped opened. They held none of the warmth you loved. Only pain and vengeance.

“YA ub'yu ves' etot chertov dom!"

“James, wake up!" you ordered.

His metal arm lashed out for you, but you were already on the floor. He growled and came after you, so you ran into your closet and barricaded yourself. That did nothing as the Winter Solider tore the door straight off its hinges, throwing aside everything including you. The pain was instant and everywhere as you hit the wall spine first, but thankfully faceplanted on the bed.

_“Sis! Sis, what's going on?!"_

You groaned as your brother started to panic in your head. You didn't get time to answer because the Soldier grabbed your ankle, but you quickly rose up and wrapped your thighs around his neck.

“Bucky! It's me! It's (Y/N)!" you exclaimed.

“LIAR! My (Y/N)'s dead!"

He tried desperately to pry you off of him, but, Tony, didn't call you Iron Thighs for nothing. You heard your brother shifting around.

_“Nothing's wrong, Travy! Go back t' sleep!"_

_“Bullshit! You sound like you're legit fighting over there!"_

_“Like you don't fight with Da-_ OW, JAMES!"

The supersoldier bit you hard, giving him an opening to slam you on the ground. You were dazed to say the least, but still shot your leg out to knock Bucky's out from under him.You quickly pinned him down.

“James, please wake up!  I'm alive, baby! See!" you pleaded.

You put your hands on his temples and hoped your idea would work. If you two could go into each other's dreams, surly you can share images right? You prayed as you put your memory of falling asleep in his arms just a few hours ago in his head.

“We were sleeping, baby, you were dreaming see?"

He started to protest, but you shushed him by showing yourself in the glass cage of his dream mind. His eyes went back to normal.

_“B-baby doll?"_

You breathed a sigh of relief and hugged him. Bucky moved to put his arms around you, but accidentally hit your bruised back in the wrong way. You tried to stop your whine of pain, but he still heard you.

_“Baby, what's-?"_

The supersoldier paled as the last twenty minutes came back to him. He started to take you off of him with shaking hands, but you held him tight.

_“(Y/N), I-I hurt you...."_

_“I'll heal."_

_“(Y/N)-!"_

_“James-!"_

_“Sis, why are you so quiet now?! I'm coming over there!"_

You sighed and hit your head on Bucky's chest.  All you wanted for Christmas is one moment of peace.

_“Bucky kiss me."_

_“Wha_ mmm...."

You pressed your lips against your boyfriend's. After a second and hearing your brother's footsteps, he caught on and kissed you back. Just in time for, Travis, to barge in, electricity blazing.

“Alright, you bastard-oh..."

You broke apart from, Bucky, to glare at your charged up sibling. He now looked more embarrassed than anything to see his half naked sister straddling her flushed boyfriend.

_“Travis! Do I interrupt your couple time?"_

_“I-I'm sorry. It sounded like he was really...never mind I'm just gonna...."_

Travis shuffled back out and you relaxed into, Bucky, again. You felt his guilt, his self-depreciating thoughts and sat up to put your hands through his hair. He held your forgiving gaze for a moment before taking your hands away and looking down.

_“I never wanted you t' see me like that, (Y/N)...let alone be in my way."_

_“James-."_

_“I could've killed you, I was gonna kill you, I_ wanted _t' kill you."_

_“James, I-."_

_“I thought I was okay, I thought that because you love me I couldn't be a monster anymore! How could I've been so stupid?!"_

His shoulders were starting to shake in tears of regret, the first bit of it he's ever shown in the last year. You started to feel the familiar itch of your mutation feeding.

_“I'm sorry for getting involved with you, I'm sorry for tricking you int' thinking I'm good enough for you..."_

He finally made eye contact with you again and you wish he didn't. Those baby blues were drowning in his self-hate, a century away and in the present at the same time. He started glowing purple and your face hardened. You had to fight this. Bucky couldn't break on you too.

_“But most of all I'm sorry for being your soul ma-."_

You put your hand tightly over his mouth and tried to stabilize yourself. What was it, Bucky, always-? You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. After a  minute you opened your eyes and smiled down  at your wide eyed soul mate. You moved your hand to his cheek.

_“Breath, Bucky. Just stop and take a breath okay? You're not a monster. The Soldier is and you're not him."_

_“But-."_

_“'Could've killed', 'gonna kill', 'wanted to kill'? That's not how 'The Asset' operates. If James Barnes wasn't alive in there I'd be dead."_

He made a noncommittal grunt and you put your hands back through his hair.

_“So just breath, Buck. We all have our demons. Two years later, I still don't love you any less because of yours."_

Bucky's eyes and mind went through a million and one emotions and thoughts before he buried his face in your neck. He moved your hands to his temples and you rubbed them to relax him. After a few minutes, he spoke.

_“Baby doll, I....can I get up a moment?"_

You nodded and let him go. He stood and looked  down at you for a second before going to his suitcase. He took something out and clenched his right fist around it. When he came to sit back in front of you, he nervously reached for your hand with his metal one. You grabbed it with both of yours.

“(Y/N), this is gonna sound really weird and creepy and I understand completely if you say no," he began.

He opened his hand and in it there was a small black box. You gasped. He couldn't possibly be.

“The day we 'met' I went out and got this because I knew that there'd never be anyone else but you. I never had any intention of giving it t' you, but I kept it to remind myself t' at least try t' be the good man you think I am."

He opened the box and the sterling silver ring had a cute heart shape setting with both red and blue colored jewels embedded in it. 

“James..." you whispered.

“I'll never be the person you deserve," he said sadly, “But you don't want anyone else but me for some reason I'll always be grateful for."

Bucky took your left hand and held the ring on the tip of your finger.

“I don't expect you to accept it and I don't expect you to wait forever if you do. You can back out at anytime and I won't hate you for it. I can't hate you, doll, you got me by the soul."

He slid the ring on and you teared up. It fit perfectly, making you realize just how sharp his observations of you are.

“One day, (Y/N) (L/N), I will grow the balls to ask you t' marry me," Bucky promised, “B-but until then w-will you-?"

“James, yes!" you shouted, “Whatever it is, a thousand times yes!"

You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. This man worried entirely too much. How could you even consider anyone else when your hero wanted you?

_“So I finally beat out Dum Dum?"_

You pulled back with an eye roll. Bucky gave you his 1940 smirk and kissed your ring hand. You were about to answer when you heard a loud thump from down stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Holiday here's an update!

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“Come on, sister, you gotta help me out here!"

“Sorry, I'm a bit off balance right now, D!"

 You and Bucky looked at each other once and then ran out of your room. At the bottom of the stairs stood, Daemon, supporting a thoroughly beaten Major Li Ashton Jones (Rogers? Davis? You didn't even know anymore).

“A little help here?!" Daemon exclaimed.

You and your soul mate snapped out of your confusion and moved to help the Major up the stairs.

“There's another guest room-," you started.

“No!" Li shouted.

Everyone looked down at her. Red bloomed a bit on her brown cheeks as she stared in your general direction.

“I want to be with Steve," she said quietly.

“Sister, I don't think-."

“Daemon Earl Jones, if you don't-!"

“Okay, okay!" Daemon muttered.

You carried her into Steve's room. From there she asked you guys to leave. You did, but immediately used Bucky's bond to, Steve, to get into Li's head.

The world was dark due to her blindness, but you felt the Major laid down gingerly and snuggle into the warmth of her soul mate.

“ _I remember, Stevie. I remember you, the kids, the team. I remember us."_

Her eyes started welling up as she reached around until she found her husband's forehead and stroked the hair always falling in his eyes. Steve didn't move, but the Major felt the wheels begin turning in his head again as she dug deeper with their soul bond.

 _“You know, it was the strangest thing....Daemon showed up with the kids behind him and I saw, Amy, staring at, John, hittin' me. The only only thing I thought was 'If that crazy SOB was right and this little girl is my daughter? What kind of example am I setting for her?' So I finally fought back...then I remembered._ "

The Captain stirred a bit at the feel of a small amount of warmth around him, but only opened his eyes when it kissed him between the eyebrows. 

_“I love you Captain Steven Grant Rogers. I'm so happy to call you my husband."_

“Li?" Steve whispered.

_“Sup, bro?"_

The Major smiled the infuriating smirk she knows her husband loves and, Steve, nearly choked her in a hug. 

_“Yes, yes I'm here! Lighten up!"_

_“Ya-ya came back t' me."_

_“Don't I always?"_

Steve took his wife's hand and kissed her ring. The laugh faded from her mind, replaced with endless guilt.

_“I'm sorry, Stevie. I-I'm so so s-."_

Steve put a finger on her lips.

 _“I don't wanna fight or cry anymore, Li. I just want_ us _so I forgive ya, baby girl. We can sort out the details later."_

 _“I forgive you t-oh.....oh,_ Steven..."

_“ Commere, darlin'-."_

Bucky pulled out of Li's head so fast you almost got whiplash and had the look of a man that remembered something he tried very hard to forget, before you shook him. He blinked back to the present and practically dragged you both back to your room.

“Those two are unfuckingbelievable," you sighed, face planting on the bed, “Did he not notice her injuries?"

“She can use the electricity in your body as a power source to heal herself. If she's hurt enough, Steve, makes her use his. I'm sure she's _real_ fine right now."

Bucky sat down next to you with an exasperated grunt.

“Try _five_ fuckin' _years_ of _that._ Like one time the punk broke both his legs and, Li, fractured the entire left side of her ribs. She had enough power to herself fix, but, Steve, never let's her fix him. So the punk had to stay put for at least a day. I leave the hospital, they're still bit-sorry arguin' about who's fault their injuries was and why, Steve, won't let her heal him."

“Yeah?"

“I come back in, maybe twenty minutes later at the most with food. Steve has two working legs and they're goin' at it like fuckin' rabbits!"

Bucky's face went to one of pure horror and you tried and failed at stifling a laugh over his misfortune. Your soul mate glared at you for a second before joining you.

“Is that what marriage does? Drive you insane?"

“Pretty sure you already have to be insane to even get married, baby doll."

Bucky laid down next you and started messing with your promise ring. You kissed his cheek and faint blush appeared there. You smiled and laid yourself on top of him, kissing every bit of skin and metal you could get to. 

“ _(Y/N)...."_

_“Just relax, Buck."_

_“I don't want to hurt you, (Y/N)."_

_“You won't Bucky bear, but I'll stop if you want me to."_

You crawled back up to lay next to your soul mate. You couldn't read thoughts, but his troubled blue eyes held nothing but frustration. You put a hand through his hair, rubbing his temple.

_“What's wrong, Bucky bear?"_

_“I...it's stupid..."_

He sighed and turned his head away from you. You sat up with a frown.

“ _James-."_

_“A fella should be makin' sure his girl's satisfied. And I can't do that because I got all this assassin shit in my head and-!"_

_“James!"_

You turned his head to face you and he was bright red in embarrassment. You smiled and gave him a kiss on the nose.

_“First of all, we're about  all of two days into our relationship so I'm moving too fast, really. Second, I don't care about how good you are in the sack, I just care about you, Bucky."_

You laid down on his chest and wrapped your arms around him. You felt him hesitate for just a moment before setting a hand on your head.

_“If it happens it happens. If it doesn't....well let's cross that bridge when we get there. I'm not pressuring you into having sex with me, James. Ever."_

_“It's just I wanna be able t' make love t' you all night, baby doll, I wanna marry you, have kids, a house, a_ life. _I want you to have something normal, (Y/N)."_

_“Nothing about my life is normal and I don't want normal, Bucky. I just want us. You will always be enough for me, Bucky bmmmm....."_

You soul mate pulled you up for a passionate kiss. Bucky's hands dug into your hair, his tongue dominated yours, and the small whining noises he made only spurred you onto push him closer. After a few minutes, and burning lungs, he let up.

_“Baby doll, you will always deserve better than me, but I love you for trying to keep m' head out of m' ass."_

_“I love you too, Bucky bear. Now let's sleep busy day tomorrow."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I've had writer's block for over a month on this then I read some Charles Xavier smut and I was like “holy shit..." then I was like “HOLY SHIT"

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In the morning, you woke up to a lack of warmth beside you, but you felt hot and thoroughly turned on. You looked around for your boyfriend and found your bathroom door closed. You frowned and rubbed your eyes, after the events of last night, that was worrisome. You went up to the door and put a ear up to it.

“(Y/N)...fuck, you're so _beautiful,_ printessa..." he groaned.

Your cheeks burned hotter than a million suns. It was nice hearing him, but you felt like you intruded on his privacy. 

“ _You ain't interruptin' me, baby doll...I actually have an idea to get around my...performance issues_."

“ _What is it?"_

_“Gimme a minute and close your eyes, doll. It's harder when you're awake."_

You did as you were told and for a minute, nothing happened and then-

_“Oh, James..."_

The world he created in your minds was heartburn inducing romantic sap. A canopy bed, rose petals everywhere, and slow music. Bucky lay nude next to your equally bare body, trailing a hand up and down your arm and kissing your shoulder. He gave you his signature smirk and stroked your cheek. 

_“Do you like it?"_

_“It's lovely, Buck, but how?"_

“ _Well, I got to thinkin', we can share thoughts and images, why not fully move in with each other?_

_It took me most of the night, but I finally got it...I know it's not ideal, I'm locked in the bathroom for god's sake, but at least this way I can't hurt you if I..."_

He shook his head and cleared the thought. Then he smiled and sat his forehead on yours. 

“ _I can be with you now, (Y/N)._ "

His hand travelled down to your leg, causing you to shiver. He stayed up all night to figure this out for your sake? This man was gonna be the death of you. Bucky started nibbling on the spot that drives you crazy and it felt nice, really nice, but it just felt off. Not “he's not really there" off, but “he's hiding something" off.

“ _Um...Bucky..."_

 _“What's wrong, doll?_ "

Your cheeks heated up as you you put a hand through his hair. His short, well groomed hair, then you put a hand on his baby smooth cheek, then you rested on his arms, his two flesh arms. Bucky looked worried until he put two and two together and blushed.

“ _I-I thought it would be better if I..."_

_“What is it, Bucky? I promise it's not stupid."_

_“If I looked normal...All scruffy and artificial? A beautiful woman like you deserves better."_

You smiled sympathetically as he looked away and put a hand on his cheek. You showed him all your favorite times together. They mostly consisting of him just sitting around barefoot in sweatpants with his hair in a messy bun, week old stubble littering his face, and tight tank tops that bared his metal arm to the world. Bucky looked back up at you with disbelief in his eyes. You shook your head with a fond smile. After all this time, he still doesn't understand how you feel about him?

 _“I love the man you were before you fell, Bucky bear, and you are still him in so many ways, but I fell_ in _love with my scruffy, puppy faced bastard. Please don't hide from me,_ _James. We're long past that aren't we?"_

Bucky stared at you for a full minute before putting a hand on the back of your head and pushing you in for a kiss. A passionate one filled with every emotion words can't describe. You moaned softly into it and rolled over so you were on top of him, running your hand through his shoulder length (in desperate need of a trim but you haven't gotten around to doing it and he doesn't trust anyone else but you and Steve with scissors around him) chestnut hair. Bucky pulled back and his blue eyes were filled with awe, like still couldn't believe you were real.

_“I love you, Bucky bear."_

_“I love you too, baby doll."_

_“Then what you waiting for, Sarge?"_

He blushed and looked down in embarrassment. Not “he was locked up for nearly eight decades so he's a bit rusty" embarrassment but...

“ _Bucky, have you ever been with someone before?"_

_“No...I've fooled around, sure, but I was still waiting on the right girl when I was drafted."_

_“What about all that stuff Steve's said about you being a playboy back in the day?"_

_“I may have...exaggerated in front of the guys...a lot..."_

He shook his head and put his attention back on you, grabbing your hip with one metal hand and your left hand with his natural one.

 _“I want to do this with you, (Y/N), if you'll have me._ "

Bucky's guard went up in preparation for your rejection. You couldn't quite believe it. Sure, you didn't lose yours until the year before you started training to be an Avenger and you haven't wanted anyone besides, Bucky, since moving in, but you didn't expect _him_ to be the inexperienced one. But that just means you'd be the only one in the world who knows what he sounds like. You smiled and started slowly kissing every inch of skin on him you could reach.

“ _(Y/N)...baby doll...please,_ please _touch me?"_

_“Just relax, Buck. I'll take care of you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I didn't write the whole dirty deed, this time.  
> Good things come to those who wait ;)

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_“F_ _aster baby doll! Please_ faster!"

You did as he asked and rode him harder. Bucky let out a loud moan, tearing up the imaginary sheets with his strong grip. In reality, you heard the faint sounds of glass cracking. You decided to ignore it and focus on the completely ruined supersoldier underneath you.

His skin was flushed and covered in a thin layer of sweat, his well defined muscles were tense, he kept squirming around to last that little bit longer. You bent over to kiss down his jawline and put his hands on your hips.

“ _Don't hold back, James! Fuck me, Sergeant! Use me, Barnes_!"

_“Oh...oh! Oh,_ printessa!"

He grabbed your hips tight and started thrusting sloppily up into you, spewing out Russian curses. You gladly let him take over. After a minute more, he looked directly into your eyes.

“ _(Y/N)-(Y/N)...ya khochu...Pozhaluysta, mogu li ya..."_

_“Come for me, James_!"

Bucky coming was a weird feeling. You didn't physically feel it because he wasn't actually there. More like you felt the chemicals racing through his brain, which set off your own climax, which heightened his.

After five minutes of gathering yourselves, the bathroom door lock clicked and the door opened. Bucky came out in just his sweatpants, his legs a little shaky. You stood up and gave him a real kiss. He sighed in content and cupped your cheeks and deepened it. After a couple minutes, you pulled away for air.

“ _You were_ amazing, _Buck."_

_“R-really?"_

_“Yes. Did you feel the Soldier...?"_

_“Yeah...when you told me to take over..._ "

He blushed bright red and you could feel him hardening against you. You didn't bring it up. Bucky played with the baby hairs on the back of your head.

“ _But-but then I just focused on you...the way you looked, the way you felt to_ me."

_“Do...do you want it to try it for real?_ "

The supersoldier looked down at the bruises blooming on your skin already and then at his metal prosthetic with apprehension. You put your hand in his.

“ _James. If you're not ready-."_

_“Yes. Yes I do, but after the wedding is all said and done with. I don't want anything distracting me from you, baby doll."_

_“Where's my engagement ring, Bucky?"_

_“You know what I mean..._ "

You laughed and pecked his lips.

* * *

 

A short nap, two showers, and a promise from, Bucky, to fix your severely cracked towel bowl later, you and Bucky went downstairs to find Steve and Li at your kitchen table. Li slowly sipped from a mug and, Steve, picked at a bowl of cereal. Both of them stared heavily at the other. Bucky grabbed your hand.

_“-ya not serious, sweetheart? There's no way-."_

_“If there's one thing I know, Steve, it's my brother. So like I said, we have a problem."_

_“Should we tell everyone or?"_

_“No, no, we're_ this close _to my handlers, love. I ain't ruining my chance t' kick, John, in the balls again."_

_“I love it when ya do that..."_

_“What? Kick, John, in the balls?"_

_“Well, yeah, but also when ya pout ya lips out like that...makes it easier for me t' do this..."_

Steve smirked and leaned forward to kiss his wife. You and Bucky immediately looked away.

_“Are they always like that?"_

_“When they're not killin' each other, unfortunately_."

“I know you're there guys, I'm telepathic, remember?" Li scoffed.

You looked at, Bucky, and he looked at you, but before you two could move, you heard ReSpawn, sigh and snap. You both landed on the chairs in front of her and her Captain and she smiled sweetly.

“Now that the gang's all here, let's think," she said, “But first."

She held out her ungloved, left hand to you. Steve's eyes softened and he kissed her temple. You shook the Major's hand with a smile.

“Major Li Ashton Rogers, co-leader of the Avengers," she introduced herself, “I can't wait to get to know you for real, Haunter."

“Likewise," you agreed.

 “So...," Bucky said, “What's the problem with, Daemon?"

Li raised an eyebrow and stared hard at your soul mate. Bucky flinched and looked massively uncomfortable. You could tell they were talking, but you couldn't hear them. Li seemed to be blocking you out of his head. You looked up at Steve. He was a part of the private conversation too. You scowled.

“Hello?" you exclaimed, “I'm right h-."

Li held up her right index finger and it glowed green, closing your mouth. Bucky growled at the action and took your hand.

“We can trust her! Let her go, Spawn!"

Li took one last side eye at you and nodded. You felt your jaw get released and you flexed it around a bit.

“Daemon's in love with, Travis."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while yeah? I got carried away by Chris and his reader wife, but I'm back to finish this because, Michelle, reminded me that I didn't!
> 
> In case you were wondering how the reader got bruises from telepathic sex, it's one of those “Your mind makes it real" Morphousisms.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Awkward silence hung in the air following the Major's statement. You felt like you were disconnecting from yourself.

“Excuse me?" you asked with more calm than you felt.

“Your brother," Li said with a straight face, “Meaning, Travis, is in love, meaning a chemical reaction in the brain that makes you stupid in front of one or sometimes more-."

“I know what love is!" you exclaimed, “What I _don't_ understand is how, _Daemon_ , is in love with _my big_ _brother_!"

Li looked over at her second in command. They started mentally conversing and you buried your face in your hands. 

This mission was supposed to be a simple in and out. Save your family, have some fun with, Bucky, and go home an official Avenger. Now-!

“' _Simple' ain't in our vocabulary, doll face. We got specially made dictionaries._ "

You pouted up at him. Bucky squeezed your hand with a smirk and kissed your cheek.

“I dunno because neither does he since, Travis, isn't his soul mate," Li said suddenly, “I am."

She sighed and folded her arms with a shrug as you looked back at her.

“That made it pretty easy to fool, Travis, since him and I have a similar eye color and it ensured that there wouldn't be any...complications."

Li took Steve's left hand with a distant look. He gave his wife a small, sad smile before bringing her hand to his lips to bring her back to the present.

“But..." the Major continued after a kiss between her husband's eyebrows, “All, D, knows is ever since he met, Travis, is he can't stop thinking about his 'stupid face and his stupid laugh and his stupid lips and-."

“Alright! Alright!" you interrupted, covering your ears.

“Doll," Bucky said slowly, “You realize this is is a _good_ thing?"

_“Excuse me?!"_

_“Doll, if Daemon's really in love with your brother, he might not be able go through with his assignment."_

_“If? Might? This is my_ brother _James! I can't work in greys!"_

Bucky made to open his mouth again, but then he suddenly whipped his head towards a scowling Captain America. You put a hand on your supersoldier's shoulder, but he just shrugged you off and clenched his fist while glaring heavily at his friend. You huffed and tried to dig into your soul bond, but someone was blocking you out. You took a deep breath to calm yourself.

“Guys-!" you began.

“Steve...Steve he's right," Li sighed, “She's right too. We're a team. And, Tones, hates himself every day still anyway."

“But sweetheart-," Steve began. Li put a finger on his lips and kissed him between his eyebrows, slightly relaxing him. Then she turned her attention to you.

“D won't be able to kill, Travis, because I couldn't kill Steve and the kids. When I got shot in that HYDRA base it's because I got reset, like I'm sure you've seen happen to Jimmy...but as soon as my babies started crying I couldn't..."

She closed her eyes and shook her head to get rid of her emotions. Finally, she opened up again, completely stoic.

“Unfortunately, Tones was a bit of a young Winchester, but point is, D, won't let-."

“'D won't let' _what_ , sister?"

All four of you turned around when the room darkened and the temperature dropped. At the door was a red eyed, semi-shadowy, Daemon, trying desperately to keep a grip on his physical form. 

“D-D, I-."

Daemon held up his hand and looked each of you in the eye, while obviously mentally conversing with his sister. He held onto your gaze the longest. Bucky gripped your hand tighter with a low growl when suddenly, you felt a scratching in your head.

_“Get out. All of you."_

_“Li I ain't-!"_

_“_ Captain _, Sergeant, Agent. You all have_ five seconds _."_

Bucky hopped up from his seat with you in tow and brought you to the living room. Steve appeared on the couch not even a second later. He was bright red in a rage you've never seen from him before.

“Steve what's going on?!" you exclaimed. He just shushed you a grabbed his best friend's hand.

_“-come with me D? We can keep you safe!"_

_“There ain't no 'safe', Li! What happens when your 'soul mate' decides he's tired of you and leaves_ again _?!"_

_“H-he ain't like that! I was attackin' our family! I coulda-!"_

_“We don't work in 'coulda' sister! If you were gonna kill 'em they'd be six feet under already! Stop makin' excuses for someone who literally tore you apart!"_

_“They tortured him, D, just like they did t' us! He didn't have no choice!"_

_“They brought out what was already there,_ just like they did with us _! We've been over this! HE DON'T LOVE YOU, LI!"_

_He's 'America's Golden Boy', but he's still_ human _,_ _sister! He has needs and_ someone _makes themself too available!"_

_“Daemon...Daemon please he ain't like that! He ain't! He married me, D! He gave me an out!"_

_Stop_ lyin' _t' yourself, Li! There's no 'out'! He only married you 'cause he can't afford to say_ he _had kids out of wedlock! Believe me he'll raise those parasites to hate you and everythin' you are once you're out of the picture if he don't decide t' kill 'em instead!_

_He's just like, John, Li! Just bidin' his time 'til he figures out what can actually kill you! You made your choice! I_ refuse _to let that happen to me!"_

_“Daemon...Daemon you're m' brother so please? Please don't do this?"_

_“Take care of yourself, sis."_

_“D-don't I always?"_

Daemon stormed up to your brother's room and, Steve, immediately ran to his wife. You and Bucky looked at each other.

_“Are you sure it's too late for a desk job, Bucky?"_

_“Yeah, I'm pretty sure, baby doll."_

_“Sis?"_

You closed your eyes at the familiar annoyed tone of voice before turning around and smiling tightly.

_“Travy-!"_

_“(Y/N), you don't have to explain, Daemon, already did, but be real with me. Is having Steve's plus one around going to be a problem? I'm not having someone who upsets my husband at my wedding."_

_“It'll be fine. She's just wanted to make sure he was a perfect match for you as a favor to me. She's good at reading people."_

Travis didn't reply, just kept searching your head. Finally, you sighed.

_“I'll show you that it's fine. She's fine."_

You grabbed your brother's hand to pull him into the kitchen...where, Steve, had, Li, pacified and pinned?-that's the only way to describe it-to the refrigerator. You nearly internally screamed as you pushed your mortified sibling up the stairs. 

_“See? Captain America's always there to save the day! He'll keep her away from him!"_

_“But how are they doing_ that _standing up? Are they elastic?"_

_“Go get ready to go Travis!"_

Your brother went slowly up to his room, trying to see if he can catch, Steve, to get some advice, but he quickly sped up at your glare. With a roll of your eyes so hard you saw your brain, you went back to your team.

Steve and Li were mentally talking with, Bucky, holding hands with the most disgustingly love sick expressions on their faces. You felt your temper rise.

“Are you two done?!" you exclaimed.

All three supersoldiers turned to look at you with wide eyes, like they were _shocked_  that the Major and Captain, obviously taking _none_ of this seriously, angered you! Your temper rose as the room temperature dropped.

“How are _you two_ team leaders when you can't stop _fucking_ each other long enough to function?!"

“Agent-!" Major Rogers snapped.

“You're  _not_ my CO!" you snarled, “You abandoned your team and family for two years, so don't you try pulling rank on _me_ , bitch-!"

“Agent (L/N)!" Captain Rogers barked, getting in your face, “Apologize _now_!"

You sneered at the red and purple glow surrounding him. The Captain's fury was almost as delicious as his sorrow.

“Or what?" you pushed, “You got your head so far up her ass you won't do anything anymmmmm...."

Your train of thought got cut off by a pair of soft lips pushing themselves aggressively against yours. You instantly relaxed into the soothing thoughts, Bucky, was sending through your mental soul bond and let him pacify you. After minute, he let up and your eyes opened to  scolding blue ones.

“Guys could you give us a minute?" Sergeant Barnes asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


	22. Chapter 22

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_“Baby doll, I need you to_ breathe _."_

_“James this is my brother's-my_ family's _life-and they were...I don't even want to know, on my refrigerator! I eat out of that, James!"_

_“Well, it would only be a sanitary issue is if they did it while in the-."_

_“James!"_

_“Sorry! Sorry! Okay look, I know, believe me I know, but this is temporary. They'll be all lovey dovey for a couple days...then they'll be at each other's throats unless the kids are around again, but-."_

_“We don't have days, J-!"_

_“_ BUT _they would never intentionally compromise a mission. I've seen them in action, I've worked with them together for years. Steve led the Commandos, Li trained every enhanced. They've taken out HYDRA bases faster than I could blink. They're a master class to watch."_

You stared at your boyfriend for a long minute, debating on whether further argument was worth it. Finally, you sighed and backed down. If Bucky's saying his superiors will pull it together, you trust him.

“ _Fine. But if I even_ think _they're putting my family in danger I'm done_."

You started heading for the kitchen, but, Bucky, held you back. You looked at him in confusion when his expression went stony.

“ _I'm not finished yet, (L/N)_."

“ _Jimmy, (Y/N)! You two done yet? If not too bad come in here_."

Bucky sighed, rolled his eyes, and did as he was told, pulling you along with him. When you two came through the doorway, Steve, was holding his wife with what looked like an expression of fear and self disgust on his face. Li motioned for you and, Bucky, to sit down with her usual cocky smirk and continued to talk with her telepathy.

“ _Haunter, Soldier so good of to join us. Steve isn't there something you'd like to say?_ "

She jerked her head towards you. Her second in command continued to just trace the buttons on his soul mate's glove with a clenched jaw. Obviously, he was very pissed. You took deep breaths to keep yourself from feeding off him.

“Captain-," Major Rogers began out loud.

“I'M...sorry for yellin' at ya, (Y/N)," the blond supersoldier sighed, still not meeting your eyes, “Ya right, we should be controllin' ourselves..."

Li smiled in relief, kissed her husband between the eyebrows, and turned her attention back to you.

“ _(Y/N) I'm sorry for causing all this. I should've stayed away until after this was all over, but I just-._ "

She looked down and started messing with Steve's fingers before shaking her head.

“ _Anyway, I'm sorry and I accept the one Jimmy's about to make you give right now._ "

You looked over at your slightly red soul mate as the Major raised an eyebrow at him.

“ _You think that's the first time someone's called me a bitch, Jim?_ "

Bucky went even redder, but didn't break eye contact. You couldn't hear what they were talking about anymore, but after a minute they gave each other a friendly smile and, Li, set her gaze on you.

“ _Alright, so what's the battle plan, Agent?_ "

“Me?!" you asked. Li shrugged.

“ _Well, since you called me and Steve out on not taking this mission seriously, obviously, you have doubts about our leadership abilities. So I'm giving_ you _full control._ "

“Li I really don't think-," Bucky started.

“ _Well, luckily you won't have to. Right, Haunter? A smart girl like you can figure this out, right?_ "

“I-."

“This isn't a game, Spawn!" Bucky shouted. 

You could feel worry and confusion seeping out of him, who could blame him since one of the “crown jewels" of HYDRA was asking you a rookie SHIELD agent how best to take down their evil counterpart. That changed to fear when the room temperature rose and Li's fists clenched.

“ _Who says I'm_ playin', _Solider? You forget I have stock in this too. Believe it or not, I have people t' protect too. A life I want_ back _."_

You felt the Winter Soldier's instinct to submit come back as Li's now silver glowing eyes burn holes into him. You growled and clutched his hand tighter. Bucky snapped out of his terror and looked up at you in wonder. You kept your eyes on Li. Spawn went back to her human appearance, studying you with curiosity...and hope? Finally, she spoke again.

“ _What's the plan, Agent?_ "

You glared at her while telling everyone what you thought should be done. Bucky paled a couple times, but Li's and Steve's expressions remained stoic. When you finished, Major Rogers nodded. 

“ _I like it!_ "

In your own disbelief, you missed Bucky's looked of shock. Steve remained a wall, but, Li, grinned.

“R-really?" you stuttered.

“Couldn't've come up with a better one myself!" she assured, hopping up, “I'll go get ready now!"

Bucky followed her out. A minute later, Steve, cursed and pounded his fist on your table, cracking it right down the middle. He unconsciously mumbled out an apology while staring at the floor with murder and self-loathing in his eyes.

“Steve?" You reached out for him, but he flinched away from you. “Steve, what are they talking about?" He continued to ignore you until you heard the stairs creak. Finally, the Captain looked back up at you with a blank expression.

“I dunno what ya tryin' t' do t' me, (Y/N)," he said quietly, “But stop it before I stop _ya_. Are we clear, Agent?"

“Y-yes, Captain," you stammered in confusion.

He nodded firmly and then followed his soul mates. Bucky came back in from the living room. He frowned at your facial expression and cupped your cheeks.

_“Baby doll-?"_

_“James. What did, Li, say to you?"_

_“She-."_

_“James, think harder about that sentence before you say it."_

Bucky sighed and moved his hands to yours.

“ _You do not want to keep testing Steve's anger management skills, Haunter."_

_"I'm not trying to, Buck-."_

_“I know. And I know how frustrating, Steve, is. I'm just warning you, though, that serum amplifies everything. Good gets better,_ bad gets worse _._

_Keep pushing your luck and you'll push him back to that place that almost killed us two years ago._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at: steve-it-hurt-a-little-rogers.tumblr.com


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